Tag: DEPRESSION

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You Don’t Look Depressed

There have been numerous times when I have heard this statement, you don’t look depressed or you don’t look like you struggle with anxiety or mental health problems; but what do depression and anxiety look like?

The general expectation of someone struggling with their mental health is that they would be always sad, angry, or crying but there is more than one look to mental health.

While some people may show that they are anxious or depressed, there is a greater percentage of people who are good at masking how they feel.

Here are some Reasons for hiding one’s mental health

  • Fear of experiencing negative responses to sharing about their mental health.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health, especially in ethnic minorities. For one thing,  one may feel like it is a weakness to let people know that they have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that they may be receiving treatment for it.

  • Not wanting to be a burden to loved ones or colleagues.

If one bears a responsibility to family or is in a senior position at work, they may not want their children or peers to know that they are struggling.

  • Feeling embarrassed to talk about what they are going through.

A lot of people that hide their mental health struggles are usually those who are strong for everyone.

They are the ones that always tell you to reach out to them when you need anything, so when they hit a rough patch, they are reluctant to disclose their feelings.

  • Feeling like they are being judged for being weak.

Some people feel that accepting you have a mental illness and taking medication for it may be perceived as a weakness.

 

While some people may show that they are going through stuff, there is a greater percentage of people who are good at masking how they feel.

What should we do then when someone shares that they have mental health problems? 

  • Listen to them without prejudice.
  • Ask them questions to show that you care.
  • Let them know you are there and ask how you can be of help.
  • Be patient and do not rush to give to voice your opinion.
  • Give them an opportunity to talk.
  • Try not to overwhelm them by giving too much advice.
  • Do not downplay their symptoms. It takes a lot for someone to trust you enough with that kind of information about themselves.
  • Give them space to process their feelings if they ask for it.
  • Encourage them to continue with their treatment as well as therapies if they have been prescribed them.

Help is available for all types of mental health problems, so no one should go through it alone. Mental health services are free on the NHS  (UK).

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/social-care-and-your-rights/how-to-access-mental-health-services

Photo cred: pexels-mwabonje-1820919.jpg

Image by Robert Ruggiero from Pixabay

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Dear Mums, You Don’t Have To be Perfect

 

I came across this quote and it made me think about the sacrifices parents make for their children, especially mothers.

“Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” [Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm]

Every so often we do too much, take on more than we can or need to until we get to a point that we can no longer manage, and our mental and physical health starts to suffer.

When we take on too many projects than we can handle, we are left feeling anxious to meet the deadlines, burnt out from doing too much, and depressed that we couldn’t finish the tasks on time or didn’t manage to complete them at all.

Taking on too many  assignments leaves you overwhelmed

We need to know that it’s okay to take a break from the pressures of life, say no to invitations to the events that we don’t want to attend, and be selective about the activities we put ourselves up for.

Most of my friends are mothers who need to run their households, looking after kids, doing school runs, keeping social and health appointments, sports activities and some also work full time.

It’s hard work keeping up with social and medical appointments

By the time the stay-at-home mums drop the kids off at school, go back home and do the cleaning, pick up the shopping, it’s almost time to pick up the children from school again and make dinner.

The working parents have to manage their schedules to fit in with school dropoffs, picking up from babysitters or after-school clubs, go home and make dinner get the kids ready for bed, and do it all over again the next day.

Working mothers have to juggle work and childcare

Working overtime with no breaks and no time out to recharge for yourself is not good, but most mums feel that if they stop then it means that they are not good parents. It’s not the amount of time we spend with the kids that matters, it’s the amount of quality time we spend with them.

Sometimes even the partners are not aware of how much the mothers do on a daily basis. It is okay to ask for help, perhaps with cleaning once in a while or having a sitter come in and look after the kids for a few hours while you go to the gym, a walk, coffee with friends, or just to take a nap and have a rest.

It’s okay to ask for help

 

Here are a few tips to help you slow down

Enjoy the little time you have alone – don’t spend your time alone at home after dropping off kids at school feeling anxious about how they are getting on. The teachers are trained to look after the children during that time, instead, read a book or write a journal.

Read a book or write a journal

Make some time to unwind – if you have a few minutes to yourself, even 5 to 10 mins, you can close your eyes and use this time to practice mindfulness, meditate, take deep breaths and clear your thoughts.

Make some time to unwind

Take Walks – you can do this with your dog if you have one or with the children at a safe place where children can safely run around and get some fresh air. It is good for you and the children’s mental health and also helps them to sleep better at night.

Take walks

Take a Power Nap – A power nap can help you recharge. You don’t have to sleep for hours – just 30 minutes to an hour can help you feel rested and you can continue with your tasks.

Treat yourself to a relaxing bath – when you’re on a tight schedule it’s always quick showers and out of a house, so having a long warm bath feels like a treat. When the kids have settled in for the night, light some nice smelling candles, put some soothing bath salts and soak in a bubble bath. You will feel refreshed.

Treat yourself to a relaxing bath

 Watch what you eat – When you’re busy with the children and activities it is easy to eat on the hoof. Most mums will grab a chocolate bar and a coffee to go, on the way to pick up the kids from school and nibble on what the children are having for dinner and not make time for their own nutrition. That is also detrimental to overall wellbeing so it is very important to make time to prepare, sit and eat healthy meals.

Watch what you eat

 

To all the mothers out there, please do not find excuses that will keep you from taking a break. You do not have to be perfect, we become better parents when we are rested and happy, not when we are depressed and overwhelmed by our schedules and children. You do need to feel guilty for taking care of yourself, you deserve the break.

 

 

 

 

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Depression – Contact List

It’s not unusual to feel sad or miserable every so often but if your mood stays persistently low for weeks at a time and disrupts your life, it could be a sign of depression.

This information is for anyone who is or has been depressed. We hope it will also be helpful for friends and relatives.  It describes what depression feels like, some of the help that is available, how you can help yourself and how to help someone else who is depressed. It also mentions some of the things we don’t know about depression. At the end of the leaflet, there is a list of other places where you can get further information.

The Mental Health Foundation

mentalhealth.org.uk

Coronavirus – How to look after your mental health

Visiting your GP

Depression Leaflet

We believe it is important to involve the people who use mental health services and their carers in our work. We want to support them to have their say on the way that services are run, as well as to use their experiences to inform our thinking.

RETHINK

Helpline: 0300 5000 927

rethink.org

Working together to help everyone affected by severe mental illness recover a better quality of life.

Time to Change

time-to-change.org.uk

Time to Change is England’s most ambitious programme to end discrimination faced by people who experience mental health problems.  Our vision is to make lives better for everyone by ending mental health discrimination and to inspire people to work together to end the discrimination surrounding mental health.

Mind

MindInfoline:  0300 123 3393

mind.org.uk

Coronavirus and your wellbeing

Depression & Anxiety

Side by side – online support community

The MindinfoLine offers thousands of callers confidential help on a range of mental health issues.  Mind helps people take control of their mental health. We do this by providing high-quality information and advice and campaigning to promote and protect good mental health for everyone. They also provide a special legal service to the public, lawyers and mental health workers.

Breathing Space (Scotland)

Helpline: 0800 83 85 87

breathingspace.scot

Sometimes our thoughts and feelings can overwhelm us.  It helps to get some Breathing Space.  Pick up the phone – we’re here to listen.  We are a free, confidential, phone service for anyone in Scotland over the age of 16 experiencing low mood, depression or anxiety.

SAMH (Scottish Association for Mental Health)

Information Service: 0141 530 1000

samh.org.uk

Coronavirus and your mental wellbeing

Today, in over 60 communities we work with adults and young people providing mental health social care support, services in primary care, schools and further education, among others.  These services together with our national programme work in See Me, respectme, suicide prevention and active living; inform our policy and campaign work to influence positive social change.

Support in Mind Scotland

Information: 0131 662 4359

supportinmindscotland.org.uk

Our aim is to improve the quality of life for anyone whose mental health problems or mental illness has a serious impact on their life and on the lives of others, including family members, friends and supporters.  We believe anyone affected by mental health issues deserves compassionate and expert support.

Bi-Polar UK

Tel: 0333 323 3880

bipolaruk.org.uk

BiPolar UK is a user-led charity working to enable people affected by Bipolar disorder / manic depression to take control of their lives.

Saneline

0300 304 7000

sane.org.uk

SANEline is a national out-of-hours telephone helpline offering emotional support and information for people affected by mental health problems.

Moodjuice

Depression

The site is designed to offer information, advice to those experiencing troublesome thoughts, feelings and actions. From the site, you are able to print off various self-help guides covering conditions such as depression, anxiety, stress, panic and sleep problems.

Be Mindful

bemindful.co.uk

Mindfulness is a mind-body approach to well-being that can help you change the way you think about experiences and reduce stress and anxiety.  Mindfulness is a way of paying attention to the present moment, using techniques like meditation, breathing and yoga. It helps us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings so that instead of being overwhelmed by them, we’re better able to manage them.  Practising mindfulness can give people more insight into their emotions, boost their attention and concentration and improve relationships. It’s proven to help with stress, anxiety, depression and addictive behaviours, and can even have a positive effect on physical problems like hypertension, heart disease and chronic pain.

Shout

Text Shout to 85258

giveusashout.org

Shout is the UK’s first free 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. It’s a place to go if you’re struggling to cope and you need immediate help.

ChildLine

Helpline: 0800 11 11

childline.org.uk

ChildLine is a counselling service for children and young people.  You can contact ChildLine in these ways:  You can phone on 0800 1111, send us an email, have a 1-2-1 chat with us, send a message to Ask Sam and you can post messages to the ChildLine message boards.  You can contact ChildLine about anything – no problem is too big or too small.  If you are feeling scared or out of control or just want to talk to someone you can contact ChildLine.

Young Minds

Helpline: 0808 802 5544

youngminds.org.uk

What to do if you’re anxious about Coronavirus

Talking to your child about coronavirus

Parents’ Information Service gives advice to parents or carers who may be concerned about the mental health or emotional well being of a child or young person.

Kooth.com

kooth.com

Kooth.com is an online counselling service that provides vulnerable young people, between the ages of 11 and 25, with advice and support for emotional or mental health problems.  Kooth.com offers users a free, confidential, safe and anonymous way to access help.

The Mix

Helpline: 0808 808 4994

themix.org.uk

Coronavirus

Depression

Mental Health

Life’s tough, we know that. It can throw a lot your way and make it hard to know what the hell to do with it all.  So, welcome to The Mix. Whether you’re 13, 25, or any age in between, we’re here to take on the embarrassing problems, weird questions, and please-don’t-make-me-say-it-out-loud thoughts you have. We give you the information and support you need to deal with it all.  Because you can.  Because you’re awesome.  We’ll connect you to experts and your peers who’ll give you the support and tools you need to take on any challenge you’re facing – for everything from homelessness to finding a job, from money to mental health, from break-ups to drugs.  We’re a free and confidential multi-channel service. That means that you choose how you access our support, without the worry of anyone else finding out. Whether it be through our articles and video content online or our phone, email, peer to peer and counselling services – we put the control in your hands. You can even volunteer with us too.

Papyrus

HOPELINEUK – 0800 068 4141

papyrus-uk.org

Worried about someone…

Support for anyone under 35 experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person may be experiencing thoughts of suicide.

Students Against Depression

studentdepression.org Developed in consultation with students who have been affected by depression, low mood or suicidal thoughts. Many of their stories and suggestions are included on the site. 

Campaign Against Living MiserablyHelpline: 0800 58 58 58

thecalmzone.net The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) works to prevent male suicide and offers support services for any man who is struggling or in crisis.  CALM’s helpline 0800 58 58 58 and web-chat are for men in the UK who need to talk or find information and support. The services are open 5 pm -midnight daily and are free, anonymous and confidential. For access or to find more information visit thecalmzone.net

SOS Silence of Suicide

For support call:  0300 1020 505 (midday to midnight daily)

We support everyone affected by suicide, whether they be bereaved, having thoughts of suicide, or have attempted suicide.

Everyone is vulnerable, especially right now when the world as we know it has changed, bringing mental health fragilities to those who have never before experienced them and an escalation of poor mental health for vulnerable people who were already struggling.

The shame, stigma and silence that surrounds not just suicide, but mental health generally, is something we are passionate about changing.  No one should feel judged.  No one should feel awkward.  No one should feel isolated, we will continue to support everyone and anyone who needs our help.

Depression UK

depressionuk.org

The mission of Depression UK is to promote mutual support between individuals affected by or at risk from depression, with the aim of encouraging self-help, recovery and personal growth.   We believe our members are helped when they share their problems with fellow sufferers because they understand, better than any non-depressed professional or carer can ever do, what it really feels like to suffer from depression. These members can then share their thoughts, feelings, hopes, disappointments and successes, and in so doing offer mutual support to each other.

OvercomeDepression.co.uk

overcomedepression.co.uk

Offers a unique and clear reference point on depression help and advice from experts in the field.

Samaritans Tel: 116 123 (Free)

samaritans.org

Whatever you’re going through, we’re here to help 24 hours a day.  We won’t judge you and we won’t share what you tell us with anyone else.  Get in touch by telephone, email, letter and face to face in the UK and Ireland.  Visit befrienders.org if you live outside the UK or Ireland.

 

Info compiled at

ncmh.info

mentalhealth.org.uk

 

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There Should Be No Shame in Taking Antidepressants

We have all experienced feeling unwell at some point in our lives. When one has a headache, they reach for an aspirin or paracetamol, grab a Gaviscon tablet for acid reflux and carry their insulin to manage their blood sugar when they need to.

We don’t think twice about reaching for paracetamol when we have a headache.

Anyone diagnosed with a long-term illness has to rely on regular medications for relief as prescribed by their doctors and are grateful for the reprieve that the medication brings to them.

In the UK, 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year and 1 in 6 people report undergoing a common mental health problem such as anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder in any given week but antidepressants are not spoken of as liberally as other medications.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health to begin with, so it becomes a sensitive topic when someone has to start taking antidepressants for a mental illness or to let family and friends know about their diagnosis.

 

Here are some of the reasons why people who are struggling with mental health problems may not want to take antidepressants:

  • The fear of side effects deters people from taking antidepressants. There is a lot of negative talk regarding the potential side effects of antidepressants and some people believe that the medication will make them worse 

 

  • The cost of the medication may prevent a person suffering with mental health problems from obtaining repeat prescriptions for their antidepressants 

 

  • The fear of being labelled a pill popper, lazy, and mad by their peers and families 

 

  • Some people are not good at taking medication, they forget or miss doses, and some expect faster results so may stop taking the antidepressants before they kick in and then say that the medication is not working 

 

  • There is always a worry that one may become too dependent on antidepressants and not be able to function without them or that their problems could be accelerated because of taking the medication, so some people avoid taking their antidepressants.

 

We are surrounded by different types of people. Some are kind and sympathetic to those struggling and some can’t hide their annoyance when someone is open about their mental illness.

That causes a lot of people who have mental health problems to hide their illness and end up not taking their medication but there should be no shame in anyone taking their prescribed medication.

It is also important for people that are struggling with mental health illnesses to take their medications directly as prescribed by their doctor and not combine it with any other medication or substances in order to treat their symptoms correctly and to help them manage or overcome their problems.

When antidepressants are not used properly, they can result in unpleasant side effects, longer recovery, worsened health, substance abuse disorders, or even loss of life.

Here are some useful tips for taking your antidepressants:

  • Always try to keep an up to date list of your medications so that doctors do not prescribe antidepressants that counteract with your other medications

 

  • Make sure to check whether your antidepressants can be taken on an empty stomach, with food, or after food

 

  • Create a routine so that you don’t forget to take your antidepressants and take them at the same time daily to avoid overlapping your doses

 

  • Use a clear pill organiser with labels for the times and days of the week to help you keep track of your daily medication doses

 

  • Do not share your antidepressants with other people and do not double up on a dosage if for any reason you have missed your medication

 

  • Do not take other people’s medication and reduce your intake of alcohol and other stimulants while on antidepressants

 

  • Travel with extra medication when visiting family and friends in case you stay for longer than you had planned

 

  • Pack all your prescribed medications in your carry-on case if you are flying for safety in the event that your luggage gets lost and to protect them from damage

 

  • Do not go off your antidepressants cold turkey as that has more detrimental effects to your physical and mental health. Follow the directions of your doctor when you need to increase, reduce or stop taking the medication 

 

As with all medications, there is no one size fits all approach to treating symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health illnesses. All antidepressants carry a suicide warning and can cause different reactions to the people taking them. At least 50 percent of people who take antidepressants report excessive weight loss, weight gain, loss of libido but the benefits and the improved quality of life that the antidepressants can provide, outweighs its risks.

 

Some people may also choose to treat their depression and anxiety symptoms using holistic treatments such as exercise, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, hypnosis, and natural supplements such as Multi-Vitamins with B6 and minerals, Omega-3 fatty acids, probiotics, and Vitamin D-3.

Some people opt for holistic practices such as exercise and vitamins.

There are many different views on how antidepressants work, however they are considered to be an important part of treating depression as they relieve the symptoms, help with emotional balance, and reduce the chances that they may come back.

 

People have referred to antidepressants as happy pills, but they do not make you happy. They do not instantly make you cheerful, but when you are prescribed with a combination that works for you, they allow you to perform better and engage in the things that will bring you happiness.

 

It is not recommended to stop taking any antidepressants abruptly as it can cause withdrawals such as severe depression, digestion problems, and sleeping problems. Only start weaning off your medications under the supervision of your doctor.

 

 

 

 

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It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.. (for some)

Christmas is regarded as a time for  love, giving and receiving; and spending time with loved ones.

If you walk through the malls and into the shops, all you hear this time of the year is the Christmas music, see the sparkly decorations and happy shoppers.

The bright lights create a magnificent ambience that it feels good to just be there, even if you are not shopping.

I went into town last weekend and heard Andy Williams’ ‘Its the most wonderful time of the year’, so many times that I started singing it to myself as I was walking out of the mall to the car park.

The song goes:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you be of good cheer
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
There’ll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There’ll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It’s the most wonderful time of the year

I was interrupted by a homeless man asking for change and as I rummaged through my purse, I realised that it’s actually not a wonderful time of the year for everyone.

During my drive home, I started thinking about the people that didn’t have the pleasure of enjoying the festive season like everybody else.

Christmas is a time for films that portray fairytales, magic and happy ever afters but our real lives are far from that.

Christmas doesn’t heal mankind’s pain or change lives or make people that didn’t like each other start getting on.

There are many reasons why Christmas may not be a good time for some;

Broken homes
When a couple divorces or separates, it is often hard to enjoy Christmas on your own if you had been used to having a partner to share it with.

It is also hard on the children to go through such a change and the parent that they are left with may be worse off financially after the separation, making holidays difficult.

Grief and bereavement
Those who have lost loved ones would find it difficult to celebrate Christmas whilst there is still that feeling of loss.

Those who have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses and their families would not enjoy the festive period because they are feeling anxious over the illness.

Lack of money

Some people can’t afford the amounts of food,  beautiful decorations and nice presents that other people give to their children and families at Christmas.

Distance

There are some people whose families live too far away from them, possibly in another country and being together at Christmas just isn’t possible. Some have been deployed for work and can not make it home to spend time with their families.

Mental Health

Depression and anxiety also seem to heighten during the holidays due to the  family demands which can sometimes be stressful, taking on too much and being unable to manage expectations.

The holiday season is a wonderful time of the year for most, but we need to remember that Christmas isn’t a time to be perfect.

There are other times of the year that can be enjoyed too and we need not set unrealistic expectations to try to be like others or to keep in with other peoples standards.

Christmas can be a wonderful time to be mindful to those around us that are struggling.

We may have friends, neighbours or relatives who experience mental health problems or are just alone and this is always a great time to let them know how much we care about them and that we are there for them during this period; if they need a place to be or just to chat.

For you it may not be much, but it could make someone else’s Christmas better.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas x
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How to get a good night’s sleep

Getting enough sleep is vital for our physical and mental health.

The average healthy adult should sleep for at least 7 and a half to 8 hours a day, but a lot of us have either very little or too much sleep.

A good night’s sleep is important for everyone and if deprived, it can lead to someone feeling more than just tired.

Lack of sleep slows down cognitive function leading to learning disabilities in children, memory impairment in people of all ages, personality changes and depression.

It can negatively affect one’s life by contributing to the development of ailments such as obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

When people are deprived of sleep, they experience difficulty in making decisions, easily get irritable, have slower reaction times and perform tasks poorly.

 

Here are some tips that may be helpful for a good night’s sleep

  • Choose a relaxing bedtime routine and keep it regular. You can wind down each night by having a warm bath, reading, listening to soft music or meditating. Try to wake up at the same time each morning including on days off.
  • Establish the best sleeping environment by ensuring that your bedroom is comfortable, dark, cool or warm to your liking. If your room is too light, you may consider using blackout curtains or a sleep mask.
  • Avoid using bright screens before bed, the body reacts to unexpected doses of blue and white light which can cause insomnia.
  • Don’t go to bed with a negative mindset. If you go to bed worrying about events or stressing that you won’t be able to go through the next day without sleep, you won’t be able to relax into a restful sleep.
  • Use your bed for sleep and intimacy. It’s easy to watch television or use the computer in your bedroom to finish up some work but try to avoid doing that as your sleep environment will become your work environment and you wont rest.
  • Plan your next day before you settle down for bed. Try writing a to-do list for the next morning so that you won’t be playing your duties over in your head when you go to sleep.
  • Limit nap times. If you are very tired and a nap can’t be avoided, try to limit them to no longer than 30 minutes and not too late in the afternoon.
  • Exercise regularly but not too vigorously close to your bedtime.
  • Avoid Stimulants. Tea, coffee and chocolate are all stimulants that can affect your sleep and should be avoided at least 4 hours before bedtime. Heavy meals should not be eaten before bedtime as well.
  • Switch off your mobile or silence it so that you do not get disturbed while you are asleep.

The most important thing is finding what works for you and sticking with it so that you may have a healthy sleeping pattern, that may be beneficial to your physical and mental wellbeing.

 

 

 

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Signs of depression to look out for and how to get help.

Depression affects approximately 1 in 4 people of the UK population. Many people suffer from depression but are unaware of the signs or may choose to ignore them in the hope that the feelings may pass.

It may also be a case of not wanting to accept a diagnosis of depression due to the stigma attached to it and the taking of antidepressants or it could be cultural reasons that are holding them back from acknowledging that they need help.

The longer that treatment is delayed, the more difficult it is for depression to be treated, with a higher chance of recurrence. It can also contribute to or worsen other medical conditions.

Here are some signs of depression that you may look out for and if you or someone close to you has experienced any of them for 2 weeks or longer it would be good to see your family doctor to discuss treatment.

  • Loss of interest in activities that one used to enjoy, loss of libido and being in an extended state of irritable mood.
  • Trouble remembering details or concentrating.
  • Unexplained feelings of fatigue or lack of energy over an extended period of time. Fatigue that is brought about by depression is not associated with other causes such as an increase in physical activity or other conditions.
  • Feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, worthlessness, and helplessness. When someone is depressed, these feelings occur nearly every day and can be severe enough to be delusional.
  • Hopelessness and Pessimism.
  • Oversleeping or insomnia.
  • Restlessness.
  • Loss of appetite or mindless comfort overeating.
  • Aches and pains that won’t go away.
  • Constant sad, anxious, or feelings of emptiness.
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts and self-harming. A person suffering from depression may have recurrent deliberations of suicide or attempt suicide.

If you are feeling suicidal please get help by going to your  A&E Department at the hospital or call 999 or call NHS 111 (England) or NHS Direct 0845 46 47 (Wales)

You may call the Samaritans on freephone 116 123 if you don’t want to go to A&E but want to talk to someone, they are open 24 hours.

You may also contact your GP for an emergency appointment or call the out of hors team.

There is help and treatment available, do not suffer in silence.

 

Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels

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You are strong for surviving

“When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate.

Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive.

We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.

I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like.”

 

Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

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“Most days I am strong, some days, not at all.”

For the best part of my life, I never allowed myself a moment of weakness. I am the first-born, a mother and honorary parent to 3 of my siblings and a provider for my mother, who all live in Africa while I am in the UK.

Year after year, I had to listen to their demands and help out. Saying no to anything was never an option.

I had to find a way to pay that bill they had defaulted on so that they didn’t have their electricity or water cut off.

I had to contribute to the family crowd fund for the uncle that had been diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I  had to contribute to the family during  bereavements, irrespective of if the deceased had a funeral policy, it’s just the decent thing to do.

As soon as I posted a holiday picture or a picture of a night out, the requests came in. The strange thing is, it was never demanded but asked in a way that made me feel guilty for living my life.

But one day, I reached breaking point. I was struggling with my health, physically and mentally.

It took me a while to realise what was happening to me because I thought was Superwoman.

I didn’t have the time to be ill, too many people were counting on me and no way was I going to be lying here feeling sorry for myself. I needed to get up and work and do the tasks that I needed to do.

But I couldn’t.

Getting up for work became a challenge, driving became a chore. Stopping for petrol was terrifying and answering the phone was even worse.

It felt like my life was being taken over, I was tired all the time, I slept all the time.

I was sad all the time and angry most times and constantly under a fog that I couldn’t even shake off.

I lost confidence in myself and I just could not do anything to help myself.

The days went quickly and became just a blur and all I could think of was that I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

I avoided talking to people and to the ones I spoke to, I said I was fine. I really felt like I was letting everybody down by being ill but never at one time did I think of myself. Just others.

When I finally realised that I needed help, and got the treatment that has helped me a great deal, I knew that I had to adjust my way of life.

I learnt that no matter how hard it was, I have to try to put my needs first, that is why I am such a fan of the quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Recovery and rediscovery has been a very important part of my life in the last 18 months.

Most days I am strong, but some days, not at all.

There are days  when I am up early and raring to go and there are days where I struggle to even get out of bed.

There are times when I write an article and it takes me at least an hour tops to publish, and there are times when it takes me over two weeks to articulate myself in my writing.

I have learnt that I have to listen to my body and not work overtime when I don’t need to.

I have learnt that I can say no to a request and not lose sleep over it.

I have learnt that I can sleep and not feel guilty for switching off my phone.

I know that whatever happens now, I can take one day at a time and that my mental health is just as important as my physical health.

We watch what we eat, exercise and even take supplements to enhance our physical health and its heavily advertised but but mental health issues are always talked about behind closed doors.

We need to make time for therapeutic activities such as mindfulness, relaxation, personal care and getting in touch with nature.

Let us be kind to ourselves as we are to others.

 

 

 

 

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Is the company you keep making you sick?

Our friends and family are the people we reach out to when we want company, a listening ear or just a chat but some of these relationships can have negative effects on our mental health.

No one wants to be a ‘Billy no mates’ but is it worth holding on to certain people or relationships if they do not make us feel good?

Generally, we all want a stress-free life and sometimes it is easy to just let things go than to address them, sometimes we don’t even notice certain behaviours until they have become the norm and by then may be difficult to deal with them.

Do you find yourself altering your behaviour to fit in with certain people?

We have a right to our individuality and when you find yourself altering yourself to fit in with a friend or friends then you need to re evaluate that relationship.

Friends should accept you as you are, as you should them but if they are dominant and you find it easier to just go with the flow than to express yourself, then you need new friends that won’t make you feel like that.

You shouldn’t stress more over your companion’s endorsement than your very own opinions and beliefs.

 

Real friends who care about your mental health and well-being don’t;

 

  • Constantly reprimand you or bring you down, instead they should help lift your spirits than to scold you or criticise you in a bad way. There is a difference in giving advice and being patronising.

 

  • Make jokes about you that make you feel uncomfortable, then accuse you of not being able to take a joke. You cannot be the butt of someone’s jokes especially if they are personal and they get a kick out of doing that in public. You should not feel anxious about spending time with people that you consider to be friends.

 

  • Invade your personal space and force you to hang out when you don’t feel up to it and accuse you of being a party pooper. We all have good and bad days and our friends should be understanding when we don’t want to go out. When someone politely declines an invitation, respect that!

 

  • Make backhanded comments; for instance, you have a haircut and your friend says why did you cut your hair? It makes your ears look bigger, I actually prefer you with your hair done this way or that way. That does nothing for your self-esteem, and you cannot constantly tweak your self to fit in with people and stay sane.

 

  • Make you choose between your partner, other friends and them. You can be friends with more than one person and should not be dictated to who you should make acquaintance with or not.

Friendships should be fun and nurturing and when you feel drained by them perhaps you need to think of making changes to certain relationships. If anyone makes you question your self worth, constantly makes you uncomfortable then you should say something to them and if they don’t acknowledge their behaviour and treat you better, then you should consider staying away from those people.