“Black African people do not get depressed!”

 

‘Black African people do not get depressed!’

This is a statement I hear time and time again when talking about mental health with members of ethnic African communities who believe that mental illness is a ‘white’ thing.

According to the World Health Organisation, 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

Depression affects people of all ages, from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how old you are or what colour you are.

Unfortunately people from certain cultures are primed from an early age to suppress their feelings, hide how they feel and conceal their illnesses.

Why do black people have to be so strong about everything? We are constantly being reminded that ‘you are a strong black woman or you are a strong black man, you cannot be so weak to admit you are struggling with any mental illness’.  It is just not acceptable to do so as it is an embarrassment to your family members.

We are supposed to pray away our illnesses and have the faith  in God to overcome all obstacles that come our way. We have to pray against generation curses and spiritual enemies that come to us in the form of mental illness.

Scriptures are often quoted that make someone that is suffering from an illness feel like guilty for not knowing those bible verses and for not believing in the healing power of God.

I accept that prayer, meditation, mindfulness and all alternative therapies are good for ones well-being but they can’t be used as a substitute for treatment of illnesses which can potentially be life threatening.

Depression is an illness that seems to be only acceptable to people that are well off financially in certain places. Poorer people are not expected to say that they suffer from depression, they have too many other problems to worry about instead of wallowing in self pity.

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that stops  black people from seeking proper medical treatment for mental health problems.

We are told we can make it through anything, our people survived slavery after all.

Some of the comments that put people off seeking treatment or talking about their health problems are these;

  • ‘You shouldn’t be so weak, tell your problems to God and not a stranger, why are you seeing a therapist?’
  • ‘Don’t take medication, it will make you crazy. People who take medication get worse anyway.’
  • ‘What if you get sectioned? You could lose your children.’
  • ‘Cheer up, there are people going through worse; think about the children that are starving in poorer parts of the world.’
  • ‘You worry too much, you should learn to relax. What are you thinking of anyway?’
  • ‘That is life, get over it!’

The people that choose to seek help and take medication or have therapy, do so in private without their family members knowing about it because It is never received well.

When people are struggling they do not need to be reminded of how strong they are or should be,  it deters them from seeking the help that could benefit their health.

The rates of unexplained suicides has risen and in most cases a person will have been struggling with mental health issues but not talking about it because of fear of judgement and being seen as weak.

We need to be more understanding and supportive of each other and if people close to us show signs of depression or any mental health problems we need to be able to talk to them about it, not fob them off and tell them to snap out of it or tell them to be strong.

The new parent struggling to cope with their new born may not be lazy or unloving to their baby but they could be suffering from post-natal depression. Post-natal depression does not only affect first time mothers, it can affect them after the birth of a second or third child even though it didn’t happen with previous children and  it can affect the fathers too. No new parent should feel embarrassed or ashamed to concede that they are struggling, and having postpartum depression does not make anyone a terrible parent.

One of the main reasons that people do not seek treatment for depression  apart from the social stigma and discrimination is the high cost of medical treatment. When people can’t afford to pay for treatment for other common ailments, they do not feel that they should be complaining of ‘sadness’ and going to seek medical help for it.

Suppressing emotions is seen as  a sign of strength but it is not. Identifying that you have a diagnosable illness and seeking help is being strong but we still have a long way to go in talking about mental health and understanding that there is treatment for illnesses.

Depression does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, it doesn’t care about your gender, religious views, your weight or age. It can affect anyone and at anytime of their lives. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and the earlier that treatment begins, the more successful it can be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Indoda Ayikhali – Men Dont Cry

‘Indoda Ayikhali’ (Men don’t cry)

Growing up in a Black African home that is all I ever heard and grew up believing, that showing emotions is for the weak.

Our fathers, brothers and uncles were raised to be protectors, to act tough and hide their weaknesses. They were expected to be fixers when the family had problems and be fearless in dealing with them.

Men are expected hide their weaknesses.

Men who show their emotions are seen as weak, but men suffer mentally and emotionally as much as women, they just don’t show it as it is not socially acceptable to do so.

Most men with mental health illnesses deal with them by disconnecting themselves from people because they feel that is the manly thing to do.

Some bottle it up and ‘get on with it’ or even joke about it but not accept that there is a problem.

Sometimes they deal with it differently by being defensive, lashing out, acting irritably and refusing to cooperate with others.

Men are raised to behave a certain way, even women do not want to be involved with a man that they see as weak, so men bottle their feelings and hide their shortcomings.

This gender stereotype has led to a lot of young men taking their lives because they feel like they have failed their loved ones.

There is too much pressure to ‘man up’ that people do not seek the help they need.

Two thirds of the world’s suicides are committed by men because they are too ashamed to talk and get the help that they need.

Culturally, there are also some limitations when it comes to dealing with depression and other mental illnesses.

Sometimes illnesses are blamed on witchcraft and go untreated because they do not believe that it is medical.

What is depression they say? Stop being lazy!

Why do you want to adopt western values?

That is a rich man’s illness.

That is a white man’s illness.

Seriously, what has race got to do with it?

Do not stop taking your medication without supervision.

There is also a big misconception that medication makes people worse so those that are diagnosed avoid taking their medication or stop without supervision, only to make their symptoms worse.

Some men refuse to confront their mental conditions as they are convinced that they will be judged negatively by their loved ones.

It is hard for a man to admit he is suffering from a cold so how can he tell anyone that he is struggling with depression. They are told to ‘man up’ and deal with it.

There are some symptoms to look for when someone is struggling with depression

  • Changes in mood
  • Irresponsible behaviour –picking fights, gambling, excessive drinking
  • Drug abuse
  • Avoiding being with other people
  • Loss of libido
  • Constant complaints of fatigue
  • Loss of appetite or overeating unhealthy food
  • Irritability
  • Sleeping too much or too little

Some of the triggers to depression can be due to:

  • Financial problems
  • Death of a loved one
  • Break ups
  • Relationship problems
  • Stress at work
  • Health problems
  • Loss of work or earnings

When men struggle with depression, they find it hard to share it with anyone for fear of being judged. It takes a lot of strength to own up to shortcomings and vulnerabilities and take the proper steps toward doing something about it.

There is help and support for mental health problems. If you or your loved ones are experiencing any of the symptoms for prolonged periods of time it is advisable to see a medical professional.

Let us encourage boys and men to talk about their mental health and get the help that they need.

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is.

 

 

 

Depression is real – We just don’t talk about it enough

The Destiny’s Child singer Michelle Williams, who has previously spoken about her depression and feeling suicidal has checked into a mental health facility for treatment.

Singer Michelle Williams is seeking help for depression

It is not very easy for people of colour to talk about their feelings especially when struggling with depression. Their symptoms are usually attributed to weakness, laziness and attention seeking.

Most times, we only find out when someone has taken their own life that they have been suffering in silence. Michelle has shown immense strength in speaking out and and hopefully it will encourage other people to seek the help that they need.

The 37 year old singer confirmed on her social media pages;

There are people who will say Michelle Williams has had a great life, successful career and recently got engaged to her fiancee; what has she got to be depressed about?

But, depression is not about how much or how little you have. It is a neurological disease associated with the dysfunction of specific brain regions and not simply a consequence of a bad lifestyle and psychological weakness.

Depression brings feelings of sadness and a loss of interest in activities that one once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

  • Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
  • Changes in appetite and weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Loss of energy or increased fatigue
  • Feeling worthless or guilty
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

The stigma surrounding mental health can worsen someone’€s problems and impede their recovery. It affects their employability and social inclusion in mainstream society.

People are encouraged to talk about how they feel, but the greatest difficulty is finding who to talk to and who to trust.

Today social media is abuzz with all the support for Michelle Williams, she has done the right thing in taking time to focus on her recovery as she has been struggling for a while but; she didn’t stop encouraging others’ to take care of their mental health.

Let us continue to talk about it and get help when we need it, for ourselves and, for our loved ones. Help is always at hand. You can make an appointment to see your  GP or call NHS  on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.

 

Sources: Harvard Health; Mentalhealth.org; Mind.org.uk

Choose Life

When you feel like there is no choice

Choose life

In the midst of a storm and you feel all alone

Choose life

When you think you have reached breaking point

Choose life

When you feel like a failure

Choose life

When that break up hurts so bad, choose you

Choose life

Times can get hard, but

Choose life

When you get overwhelmed by life’s problems

Choose life

When you are plagued by unhealthy thoughts

Choose life

When you feel like you are out of solutions

Choose life

When you think that no one will listen, there is always support

Choose life

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is

Choose life

What does depression look like?

 

When asked this question,  the first image that comes to mind is a worn out looking man or woman with tired, dark circled eyes that sits alone in a corner somewhere and shies away from everyone.

Another is of a teenage boy or girl that likes to dress in dark colours and has piercings and some tattoos.

 

But does depression really have a look?

Can we define depression by a person’s physical appearance?

When we have conversations about depression and emotional wellness a lot of people from African origins and other ethnic minorities do not want to open up about mental conditions as they consider depression to be an illness that affects only white people and are afraid of being judged, but the truth is, depression does not have a specific look.

You could ride in a bus, be in a queue at the bank or working in an office and not know if the person next to you suffers from depression because you can not tell just by looking at someone. You could be the one suffering from depression and no one may know just by looking at you.

Depression doesn’t necessarily change a persons’ appearance but the person suffering from the condition experiences a change in emotions, therefore you cannot always point them out as not all emotions have an expression and some people are good at hiding their emotions.

Even when someone expresses a certain emotion, it may not be related to depression at all,  hence it is very difficult to tell if someone suffers from it or not unless it is diagnosed by a professional.

Depression is a very serious condition that can go on for years because the mood changes may come and go. It makes it difficult for one to live their life as normal as possible and carry out their daily tasks.

A one-off feeling of sadness or being down cannot be defined as depression, however, the term ‘I am so depressed’ is commonly loosely used when someone has had a challenging time or a stressful day or they didn’t get or achieve what they needed to.

Although many people with depression feel sadness, it feels much more severe than emotions that come and go in response to life events. We also cannot just conclude that someone is depressed if they seem unhappy about something.

It is a common misconception that being depressed is a choice, a luxury illness for attention seekers and sufferers are constantly being told to have a positive attitude.

Friends and loved ones often get frustrated or don’t understand why a person can’t “snap out of it.” They may even say that the person has nothing to be depressed about, they have a good job, nice family and so on.

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Depression is not fun, it’s not a game, and it’s not a quirk to add to your personality because you think it’s cool. Depression is serious and ugly and affects so many people, in fact, it is a major risk factor for suicide.

Depression doesn’t just disappear, you don’t suddenly wake up and are cured.  Just like any other chronic illness, some people respond well to treatment or therapy or both and some people take longer to respond or to seek treatment.

Depression knows no race, gender, age, political affiliation, marital status, financial status or religious views. Some people will be functioning well in their day to day lives and excelling in their jobs or school but still suffer from depression silently.

If you start to feel like harming yourself or that your life is not worth living, please try to get help straight away.

You can make an appointment to see your  GP or call NHS  on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.