There Is Light At The End of the Tunnel

Let me share with you something; there are wounds that will never show on your body and are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

Depression doesn’t discriminate. It knows no boundaries. Whether you are young, old, rich, poor, fat, thin, beautiful, ugly, popular, loved or lonely – depression doesn’t see a difference and it affects all kinds of people.

Depressed people are not always lonely people who walk all alone. They are the beautiful lady smiling as she sobs inside, the handsome successful footballer, the mother pushing a stroller and smiling at her baby, the father playing catch with his son, the famous dancer, the award-winning musician and the well published authors.

The point is, we can’t always tell if someone is depressed because people are good at hiding their feelings. There are people out there, just getting through the day however they can, to get to the next one, even though they are tired of their life.

Depression… it just eats you up slowly and slowly from the inside out. It’s like a monster inside your head that takes over your mind. The most horrible thing is that it will isolate you and make you feel so lonely.

I managed to turn everything that was said to me into a bad thing, I was clearly my own worst enemy. I would come home and feel so drained from all of the voices in my head that I would just sleep to block it all out. I didn’t want to wake up because living was useless and so unbearable, waking up every day doing the same thing over and over again.

I felt so sick when it was night time because that’s when the voices got even louder and so intense. I would get frustrated because it seemed difficult to sleep. It’s like insomnia and depression go hand in hand; the pain of being desperate to sleep but you can’t switch off.

I knew that this wasn’t the life I wanted to be living, I needed help but asking for it just made me feel like a burden.

I wanted to be free of meds, doctors and negative thoughts.

I felt as if I was losing myself and would never be the same again, I started being scared of life, wondering why I was even alive.

I lacked the motivation to do anything because I couldn’t see a future for myself; not existing felt like a better option.

Anxiety caused me to believe everyone was faking their love for me, so I tended to push people away.

‘Cheer up’, people would say, that but that was the worst thing anyone could have said to me.

Those two words triggered thousands of horrifying thoughts and I was constantly beating myself up for not hiding how I felt well enough from everyone around me.

Some were dismissive, saying ‘you have issues or you like attention’.

I would cry myself to sleep because I desperately wanted to share how I felt but I didn’t dare to tell them because I knew that they wouldn’t understand and would be judgmental about what I was going through.

Ultimately, I just decided to isolate myself in my room because less contact with people meant nothing could go wrong, but that’s where the battlefield was at.

There was a moment where I relied on medication and I am grateful because it really helped me.

There were times where I felt like taking my own life and sometimes, I wonder what deterred me from doing it because I had all the resources to go and just do it.

It petrified me to realise that in order to get on the road to recovery, I had to look inside myself to be able to start the process.

I have learnt to change my thought processes and stop oppressing myself, it’s a habit that’s been hard to break but I know I’ve made some positive changes.

You are the only person who can turn your life around and choose what emotions you want your mind to play.

I feel that if I hadn’t been through this hell hole, I wouldn’t have learnt that the most important thing in life is to be happy.

I have graduated from university with an honours degree, gained some certifications and run my own business. I can now see a future and I have a belief that I will build an empire in something that I love, something that makes ME happy, not focusing on what others want from me.

If I was given a chance to give one piece of advice to others who are struggling with this illness; it would be to encourage them not to suffer in silence, talk to someone and not isolate themselves.

There are a lot of people out there who have been through everything that you are experiencing now and have come out on the other side. In fact, their experiences have made them who they are today, most of them are great positive people because they won the battle.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling the way you do because depression is an illness like any other; you can overcome it.

I have learnt to show myself the same love, respect and concern that I would show for others. We accept that other parts of our bodies can be fragile, why can’t we be that way about our minds too?

Depression is an illness that can be managed and treated. I have experienced it and I am proof that you can be happy again and live the life you want but you need to ask for and accept help.

If you think someone is depressed and in a bad place, the best thing you can do is to talk to them and also find someone that can help.