Tag: toxic people

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Is the company you keep making you sick?

Our friends and family are the people we reach out to when we want company, a listening ear or just a chat but some of these relationships can have negative effects on our mental health.

No one wants to be a ‘Billy no mates’ but is it worth holding on to certain people or relationships if they do not make us feel good?

Generally, we all want a stress-free life and sometimes it is easy to just let things go than to address them, sometimes we don’t even notice certain behaviours until they have become the norm and by then may be difficult to deal with them.

Do you find yourself altering your behaviour to fit in with certain people?

We have a right to our individuality and when you find yourself altering yourself to fit in with a friend or friends then you need to re evaluate that relationship.

Friends should accept you as you are, as you should them but if they are dominant and you find it easier to just go with the flow than to express yourself, then you need new friends that won’t make you feel like that.

You shouldn’t stress more over your companion’s endorsement than your very own opinions and beliefs.

 

Real friends who care about your mental health and well-being don’t;

 

  • Constantly reprimand you or bring you down, instead they should help lift your spirits than to scold you or criticise you in a bad way. There is a difference in giving advice and being patronising.

 

  • Make jokes about you that make you feel uncomfortable, then accuse you of not being able to take a joke. You cannot be the butt of someone’s jokes especially if they are personal and they get a kick out of doing that in public. You should not feel anxious about spending time with people that you consider to be friends.

 

  • Invade your personal space and force you to hang out when you don’t feel up to it and accuse you of being a party pooper. We all have good and bad days and our friends should be understanding when we don’t want to go out. When someone politely declines an invitation, respect that!

 

  • Make backhanded comments; for instance, you have a haircut and your friend says why did you cut your hair? It makes your ears look bigger, I actually prefer you with your hair done this way or that way. That does nothing for your self-esteem, and you cannot constantly tweak your self to fit in with people and stay sane.

 

  • Make you choose between your partner, other friends and them. You can be friends with more than one person and should not be dictated to who you should make acquaintance with or not.

Friendships should be fun and nurturing and when you feel drained by them perhaps you need to think of making changes to certain relationships. If anyone makes you question your self worth, constantly makes you uncomfortable then you should say something to them and if they don’t acknowledge their behaviour and treat you better, then you should consider staying away from those people.

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How to spot and avoid toxic people

At some point in our lives we have come across or got involved with a toxic person or people.  They are everywhere – in our families, work places, schools, churches and social clubs.

Dealing with a toxic person can be tiresome and very draining as they bring with them negative energy.

Sometimes when you meet someone, you may have a gut feeling that they are just not right for you but often it takes a while for someone’s negative attitude to rear its ugly head.

Here are some signs to look out for when dealing with a toxic person:

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They are masters in manipulation, most times they like to orchestrate a relationship to serve their own needs.

They do not take responsibility for their actions, always quick to blame you for not being good enough or comparing you to other people. They do not apologise as they feel that it is always someone else’s fault.

They are very quick to criticise and pass judgement but they cannot take criticism.

If someone is doing better than they are, they want to look for negative reasons why that person may be doing well.

They are very good at playing the victim to gain sympathy and never make the time to listen when you are going through stuff, instead they will go on and on about something similar that happened to them instead of comforting you,

They  will put you in a difficult position of choosing other activities or friends over them. They may suggest you watch a film or go out to eat but ultimately your choice doesn’t matter as they will talk down everything you suggest.

They are often kind when they want something from you and can be very difficult when they don’t accomplish that.

They are so quick to advise you to slow down or how you will embarrass yourself if you embark on a certain project yet they secretly wish they could do it themselves.

They have no conscience when it comes to sharing other peoples secrets, why do you think they will keep yours?

They will stop you in the middle of a sentence and say I have heard that already, just to make you feel small and stop you from expressing yourself.

They always look for friends who are beneath them to make themselves feel more adequate and successful.

Encounters with toxic people leave you emotionally drained and the time that you spend with them is about taking care of their business or doing what they want which will leave you unhappy in the long run.

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Do not allow yourself to burn out trying to please someone that does not get satisfied and wants more and more out of you.

Toxic people will demand your undivided attention, invade your space, feel entitled to your personal information while being secretive of theirs.

It is not good for your emotional well being and eventually your health to be in that kind of situation and environment. Once you realise that it is going that way you may want to reduce contact with them, avoid them or maybe even cut ties.

It may be challenging to break free from certain people but do not hold on to toxic relationships, distance yourself emotionally and physically.

Removing people, especially family,  from your life can be one of the most difficult things you can do but it can also be one of the most liberating and life-changing decisions you will ever make.