Time to talk | Beyond The Shade

November 15, 2022

You Don’t Look Depressed

There have been numerous times when I have heard this statement, you don’t look depressed or you don’t look like you struggle with anxiety or mental health problems; but what do depression and anxiety look like?

The general expectation of someone struggling with their mental health is that they would be always sad, angry, or crying but there is more than one look to mental health.

While some people may show that they are anxious or depressed, there is a greater percentage of people who are good at masking how they feel.

Here are some Reasons for hiding one’s mental health

Fear of experiencing negative responses to sharing about their mental health.

There is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health, especially in ethnic minorities. For one thing, one may feel like it is a weakness to let people know that they have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that they may be receiving treatment for it.

Not wanting to be a burden to loved ones or colleagues.

If one bears a responsibility to family or is in a senior position at work, they may not want their children or peers to know that they are struggling.

Feeling embarrassed to talk about what they are going through.

A lot of people that hide their mental health struggles are usually those who are strong for everyone.

They are the ones that always tell you to reach out to them when you need anything, so when they hit a rough patch, they are reluctant to disclose their feelings.

Feeling like they are being judged for being weak.

Some people feel that accepting you have a mental illness and taking medication for it may be perceived as a weakness.

While some people may show that they are going through stuff, there is a greater percentage of people who are good at masking how they feel.

What should we do then when someone shares that they have mental health problems?

Listen to them without prejudice.
Ask them questions to show that you care.
Let them know you are there and ask how you can be of help.
Be patient and do not rush to give to voice your opinion.
Give them an opportunity to talk.
Try not to overwhelm them by giving too much advice.
Do not downplay their symptoms. It takes a lot for someone to trust you enough with that kind of information about themselves.
Give them space to process their feelings if they ask for it.
Encourage them to continue with their treatment as well as therapies if they have been prescribed them.

Help is available for all types of mental health problems, so no one should go through it alone. Mental health services are free on the NHS (UK).

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/social-care-and-your-rights/how-to-access-mental-health-services

Photo cred: pexels-mwabonje-1820919.jpg

Image by Robert Ruggiero from Pixabay

March 4, 2021

Depression – Contact List

It’s not unusual to feel sad or miserable every so often but if your mood stays persistently low for weeks at a time and disrupts your life, it could be a sign of depression.

This information is for anyone who is or has been depressed. We hope it will also be helpful for friends and relatives. It describes what depression feels like, some of the help that is available, how you can help yourself and how to help someone else who is depressed. It also mentions some of the things we don’t know about depression. At the end of the leaflet, there is a list of other places where you can get further information.

The Mental Health Foundation

mentalhealth.org.uk

Coronavirus – How to look after your mental health

Visiting your GP

Depression Leaflet

We believe it is important to involve the people who use mental health services and their carers in our work. We want to support them to have their say on the way that services are run, as well as to use their experiences to inform our thinking.

RETHINK

Helpline: 0300 5000 927

rethink.org

Working together to help everyone affected by severe mental illness recover a better quality of life.

Time to Change

time-to-change.org.uk

Time to Change is England’s most ambitious programme to end discrimination faced by people who experience mental health problems. Our vision is to make lives better for everyone by ending mental health discrimination and to inspire people to work together to end the discrimination surrounding mental health.

Mind

MindInfoline: 0300 123 3393

mind.org.uk

Coronavirus and your wellbeing

Depression & Anxiety

Side by side – online support community

The MindinfoLine offers thousands of callers confidential help on a range of mental health issues. Mind helps people take control of their mental health. We do this by providing high-quality information and advice and campaigning to promote and protect good mental health for everyone. They also provide a special legal service to the public, lawyers and mental health workers.

Breathing Space (Scotland)

Helpline: 0800 83 85 87

breathingspace.scot

Sometimes our thoughts and feelings can overwhelm us. It helps to get some Breathing Space. Pick up the phone – we’re here to listen. We are a free, confidential, phone service for anyone in Scotland over the age of 16 experiencing low mood, depression or anxiety.

SAMH (Scottish Association for Mental Health)

Information Service: 0141 530 1000

samh.org.uk

Coronavirus and your mental wellbeing

Today, in over 60 communities we work with adults and young people providing mental health social care support, services in primary care, schools and further education, among others. These services together with our national programme work in See Me, respectme, suicide prevention and active living; inform our policy and campaign work to influence positive social change.

Support in Mind Scotland

Information: 0131 662 4359

supportinmindscotland.org.uk

Our aim is to improve the quality of life for anyone whose mental health problems or mental illness has a serious impact on their life and on the lives of others, including family members, friends and supporters. We believe anyone affected by mental health issues deserves compassionate and expert support.

Bi-Polar UK

Tel: 0333 323 3880

bipolaruk.org.uk

BiPolar UK is a user-led charity working to enable people affected by Bipolar disorder / manic depression to take control of their lives.

Saneline

0300 304 7000

sane.org.uk

SANEline is a national out-of-hours telephone helpline offering emotional support and information for people affected by mental health problems.

Moodjuice

Depression

The site is designed to offer information, advice to those experiencing troublesome thoughts, feelings and actions. From the site, you are able to print off various self-help guides covering conditions such as depression, anxiety, stress, panic and sleep problems.

Be Mindful

bemindful.co.uk

Mindfulness is a mind-body approach to well-being that can help you change the way you think about experiences and reduce stress and anxiety. Mindfulness is a way of paying attention to the present moment, using techniques like meditation, breathing and yoga. It helps us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings so that instead of being overwhelmed by them, we’re better able to manage them. Practising mindfulness can give people more insight into their emotions, boost their attention and concentration and improve relationships. It’s proven to help with stress, anxiety, depression and addictive behaviours, and can even have a positive effect on physical problems like hypertension, heart disease and chronic pain.

Shout

Text Shout to 85258

giveusashout.org

Shout is the UK’s first free 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. It’s a place to go if you’re struggling to cope and you need immediate help.

ChildLine

Helpline: 0800 11 11

childline.org.uk

ChildLine is a counselling service for children and young people. You can contact ChildLine in these ways: You can phone on 0800 1111, send us an email, have a 1-2-1 chat with us, send a message to Ask Sam and you can post messages to the ChildLine message boards. You can contact ChildLine about anything – no problem is too big or too small. If you are feeling scared or out of control or just want to talk to someone you can contact ChildLine.

Young Minds

Helpline: 0808 802 5544

youngminds.org.uk

What to do if you’re anxious about Coronavirus

Talking to your child about coronavirus

Parents’ Information Service gives advice to parents or carers who may be concerned about the mental health or emotional well being of a child or young person.

Kooth.com

kooth.com

Kooth.com is an online counselling service that provides vulnerable young people, between the ages of 11 and 25, with advice and support for emotional or mental health problems. Kooth.com offers users a free, confidential, safe and anonymous way to access help.

The Mix

Helpline: 0808 808 4994

Life’s tough, we know that. It can throw a lot your way and make it hard to know what the hell to do with it all. So, welcome to The Mix. Whether you’re 13, 25, or any age in between, we’re here to take on the embarrassing problems, weird questions, and please-don’t-make-me-say-it-out-loud thoughts you have. We give you the information and support you need to deal with it all. Because you can. Because you’re awesome. We’ll connect you to experts and your peers who’ll give you the support and tools you need to take on any challenge you’re facing – for everything from homelessness to finding a job, from money to mental health, from break-ups to drugs. We’re a free and confidential multi-channel service. That means that you choose how you access our support, without the worry of anyone else finding out. Whether it be through our articles and video content online or our phone, email, peer to peer and counselling services – we put the control in your hands. You can even volunteer with us too.

Papyrus

HOPELINEUK – 0800 068 4141

papyrus-uk.org

Worried about someone…

Support for anyone under 35 experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person may be experiencing thoughts of suicide.

Students Against Depression

studentdepression.org Developed in consultation with students who have been affected by depression, low mood or suicidal thoughts. Many of their stories and suggestions are included on the site.

Campaign Against Living MiserablyHelpline: 0800 58 58 58

thecalmzone.net The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) works to prevent male suicide and offers support services for any man who is struggling or in crisis. CALM’s helpline 0800 58 58 58 and web-chat are for men in the UK who need to talk or find information and support. The services are open 5 pm -midnight daily and are free, anonymous and confidential. For access or to find more information visit thecalmzone.net

SOS Silence of Suicide

For support call: 0300 1020 505 (midday to midnight daily)

We support everyone affected by suicide, whether they be bereaved, having thoughts of suicide, or have attempted suicide.

Everyone is vulnerable, especially right now when the world as we know it has changed, bringing mental health fragilities to those who have never before experienced them and an escalation of poor mental health for vulnerable people who were already struggling.

The shame, stigma and silence that surrounds not just suicide, but mental health generally, is something we are passionate about changing. No one should feel judged. No one should feel awkward. No one should feel isolated, we will continue to support everyone and anyone who needs our help.

Depression UK

depressionuk.org

The mission of Depression UK is to promote mutual support between individuals affected by or at risk from depression, with the aim of encouraging self-help, recovery and personal growth. We believe our members are helped when they share their problems with fellow sufferers because they understand, better than any non-depressed professional or carer can ever do, what it really feels like to suffer from depression. These members can then share their thoughts, feelings, hopes, disappointments and successes, and in so doing offer mutual support to each other.

OvercomeDepression.co.uk

overcomedepression.co.uk

Offers a unique and clear reference point on depression help and advice from experts in the field.

Samaritans Tel: 116 123 (Free)

samaritans.org

Whatever you’re going through, we’re here to help 24 hours a day. We won’t judge you and we won’t share what you tell us with anyone else. Get in touch by telephone, email, letter and face to face in the UK and Ireland. Visit befrienders.org if you live outside the UK or Ireland.

Info compiled at

ncmh.info

mentalhealth.org.uk

October 9, 2020

Lockdown and Losing a Loved One

About 6 months ago I wrote an upbeat post at the beginning of the lockdown. I thought it would be an easy few weeks, working from home, shopping online, and not having to rush anywhere. A lot of us thought that it would pass quickly.

As I settled into lockdown and watched the infection and morbidity rates going up daily, panic started setting in. There was a national fear of food shortages and people were clearing out the shelves in the shops until they started rationing how many products each person could buy.

Our hospital, doctors, and dentist appointments were postponed or getting canceled to keep the facilities available for people who have been affected by Covid19.

Events were cancelled, churches and schools closed, so most parents had to home school their children, work meetings, and church were done via Zoom videos. We started coming to terms with our new normal, masks when out in public, no eating out, not seeing friends and family that didn’t live with us.

Our new normal [Image by Queven from Pixabay]

What I wasn’t prepared for during that time was my partner having a cardiac arrest and having to administer CPR to him to try and save his life.

Everything happened so quickly, I don’t even know how long I was doing CPR for, from the time I called 999 to when the paramedics came in and it was terrifying to see them come in wearing full hazmat suits because of the risk of Covid19.

I was allowed to go with him to the hospital, and the nurses gave me an apron, gloves, a mask to put on. It was so hot and claustrophobic under all the protective wear but all the safety precautions needed to be done.

My partner remained unresponsive, and he made a terrible gurgling sound which I have now learned is called the ‘death rattle’, it was such a hard noise to listen to as I was informed that these were his last hours and while it was uncomfortable for me to watch, he was unconscious and not in pain, even though it looked like he was.

Masks while essential, make it difficult to convey a message or show sympathy [Image by Cico Zeljko from Pixabay]

I had the doctors come and talk to me and it felt so impersonal, having a conversation about someone’s end of life when all I could see were their eyes. The masks, while essential, take away the emotion and compassion that one may be trying to convey.

I was crippled with fear and I kept hoping he would pull through. I never thought that in my lifetime I would have to stand by and watch a loved one slip away. I prayed for a miracle even though I knew the chances of him having a full recovery were slim.

I was sent home and told to expect the worst within about 48 hours, most of which I spent on autopilot. My family is scattered all over the world and they tried their best to support via text, phone, and Whatsapp but I was too distressed to speak.

As I was leaving home for the hospital the next day, I got the call to say that he had passed away. I can’t even begin to describe what I felt at that moment, it was a lot!

It didn’t help that we were still on lockdown and I couldn’t even have a relative come over to help out due to being in isolation as I had spent time with my partner at the hospital.

Once people got the news, the phone calls started coming in. Some were from well-meaning people passing their condolences but some, I felt, got rather intrusive and asking personal questions – like, ‘was it COVID19?’, ‘did he have a will?’, ‘was the house in both your names?’ and ‘did he have life insurance?’.

I realised that I was trying too hard to talk to everyone that reached out to me and I was starting to feel overwhelmed with all the attention I was getting. When I mentioned that to a friend she said “you don’t need to answer all the phone calls or respond to the text messages straight away. People will understand that you’re having a tough time.” That brought a bit of relief to me.

I wanted to talk to everyone that called me

It has been 17 weeks since he passed away and I have been on an emotional roller coaster since then. I lost all my coping mechanisms, lost my zest for life and while I had been making progress and weaning off antidepressants, I now needed to have them increased.

While I had been on a good routine of eating well and exercising pre-lockdown, I started to comfort eat to numb my feelings of loneliness, grief, fear, sadness, and lack of sleep.

I used to have someone to encourage me, laugh with, eat with, and make plans with so it’s daunting to think of life on my own. Now I’m thinking of Christmas and the lockdown restrictions we are facing again and knowing that I can’t even visit my family in South Africa makes me sadder.

I am taking one day at a time and learning that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, that its okay to cry, and that there is no right or wrong way to grieve a loved one. There are no set timelines on grief but I know that it gets better with time even though some days I wake up and the memory is as fresh as though it has just happened.

May 28, 2019May 28, 2019

“Black African people do not get depressed!”

‘Black African people do not get depressed!’

This is a statement I hear time and time again when talking about mental health with members of ethnic African communities who believe that mental illness is a ‘white’ thing.

According to the World Health Organisation, 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

Depression affects people of all ages, from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how old you are or what colour you are.

Unfortunately people from certain cultures are primed from an early age to suppress their feelings, hide how they feel and conceal their illnesses.

Why do black people have to be so strong about everything? We are constantly being reminded that ‘you are a strong black woman or you are a strong black man, you cannot be so weak to admit you are struggling with any mental illness’. It is just not acceptable to do so as it is an embarrassment to your family members.

We are supposed to pray away our illnesses and have the faith in God to overcome all obstacles that come our way. We have to pray against generation curses and spiritual enemies that come to us in the form of mental illness.

Scriptures are often quoted that make someone that is suffering from an illness feel like guilty for not knowing those bible verses and for not believing in the healing power of God.

I accept that prayer, meditation, mindfulness and all alternative therapies are good for ones well-being but they can’t be used as a substitute for treatment of illnesses which can potentially be life threatening.

Depression is an illness that seems to be only acceptable to people that are well off financially in certain places. Poorer people are not expected to say that they suffer from depression, they have too many other problems to worry about instead of wallowing in self pity.

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that stops black people from seeking proper medical treatment for mental health problems.

We are told we can make it through anything, our people survived slavery after all.

Some of the comments that put people off seeking treatment or talking about their health problems are these;

‘You shouldn’t be so weak, tell your problems to God and not a stranger, why are you seeing a therapist?’
‘Don’t take medication, it will make you crazy. People who take medication get worse anyway.’
‘What if you get sectioned? You could lose your children.’
‘Cheer up, there are people going through worse; think about the children that are starving in poorer parts of the world.’
‘You worry too much, you should learn to relax. What are you thinking of anyway?’
‘That is life, get over it!’

The people that choose to seek help and take medication or have therapy, do so in private without their family members knowing about it because It is never received well.

When people are struggling they do not need to be reminded of how strong they are or should be, it deters them from seeking the help that could benefit their health.

The rates of unexplained suicides has risen and in most cases a person will have been struggling with mental health issues but not talking about it because of fear of judgement and being seen as weak.

We need to be more understanding and supportive of each other and if people close to us show signs of depression or any mental health problems we need to be able to talk to them about it, not fob them off and tell them to snap out of it or tell them to be strong.

The new parent struggling to cope with their new born may not be lazy or unloving to their baby but they could be suffering from post-natal depression. Post-natal depression does not only affect first time mothers, it can affect them after the birth of a second or third child even though it didn’t happen with previous children and it can affect the fathers too. No new parent should feel embarrassed or ashamed to concede that they are struggling, and having postpartum depression does not make anyone a terrible parent.

One of the main reasons that people do not seek treatment for depression apart from the social stigma and discrimination is the high cost of medical treatment. When people can’t afford to pay for treatment for other common ailments, they do not feel that they should be complaining of ‘sadness’ and going to seek medical help for it.

Suppressing emotions is seen as a sign of strength but it is not. Identifying that you have a diagnosable illness and seeking help is being strong but we still have a long way to go in talking about mental health and understanding that there is treatment for illnesses.

Depression does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, it doesn’t care about your gender, religious views, your weight or age. It can affect anyone and at anytime of their lives. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and the earlier that treatment begins, the more successful it can be.

May 14, 2019May 14, 2019

Be Body Kind – Mental Health Awareness Week 13-19 May 2019

This week is Mental Health Awareness week and the theme is body image. Body image issues can affect anyone and at any stage in life and social media has played a big part in causing a lot of people to worry about their body image.

Our body image is what we reflect and how we feel when we look in the mirror or when we picture ourselves in our minds.

Body image issues can be about appearance and what you think about your body, such as your weight, height, colour. It can be how you feel within your own skin and it may be positive or negative.

Today, I am choosing to use my own experience in this topic as someone that has struggled with my own body image.

The picture above is of me and my son, four years apart.

In those 4 years, life has happened; mental health problems, losses and gains for both of us, as well as embarking on the long road to recovery.

Of-course I don’t do myself any favours by sharing pictures with those that I care about and think feel the same.

These pictures were compared in this way, with the caption ‘what happened to you’.

The first one was at my sons 18^th and we were happy.

The second one he was 22, on his graduation and and we were happy.

I said I didn’t understand, and they said; ‘well you have clearly put on a lot of weight from the last picture. What have you been doing to yourself? Surely you can work hard at looking like that again if you made the effort’.

Then it clicked; our milestones didn’t matter to them, it was the way I looked that they were interested in. And then it really started to bother me.

The extra pounds that I have gained over the years started to feel like hundreds, I started to ask myself if I could look better. But better than who? Better than what?

I had allowed someone to judge me by a picture, to justify myself to someone why I didn’t look the way they expected me to and it really did affect me, to the point that my self-confidence started to wane.

It took me a long time to recover from that, but I had to remind myself how far I had come in my recovery to allow that to affect me for too long.

When we continuously worry about how we look it can impact our self-esteem and confidence, and the media has a strong influence on what we think the standard body should look like.

Looking at ‘perfect’ pictures of others and then comparing them to ourselves only leads us to feel worse about ourselves and it is a practice that we need to stop.

When people are constantly plagued with negative thoughts and feelings about their bodies their likelihood to develop certain mental health conditions, such as eating disorders, depression and anxiety is high.

A negative body image may also lead to low self-esteem, which can affect many areas of your life and you may start to obsess constantly about what you eat, how much you exercise or even avoid certain people; but there are steps that you can take to develop a healthier body image.

The more you practice thinking positive thoughts about yourself and the fewer negative thoughts you have about your body, the better you will feel about who you are and how you look.

Working on accepting how you look is healthier than constantly working to change how you look. Always be kind to yourself and accept that a healthy body image is good for a healthy mind.

April 26, 2019April 25, 2019

Signs of depression to look out for and how to get help.

Depression affects approximately 1 in 4 people of the UK population. Many people suffer from depression but are unaware of the signs or may choose to ignore them in the hope that the feelings may pass.

It may also be a case of not wanting to accept a diagnosis of depression due to the stigma attached to it and the taking of antidepressants or it could be cultural reasons that are holding them back from acknowledging that they need help.

The longer that treatment is delayed, the more difficult it is for depression to be treated, with a higher chance of recurrence. It can also contribute to or worsen other medical conditions.

Here are some signs of depression that you may look out for and if you or someone close to you has experienced any of them for 2 weeks or longer it would be good to see your family doctor to discuss treatment.

Loss of interest in activities that one used to enjoy, loss of libido and being in an extended state of irritable mood.
Trouble remembering details or concentrating.
Unexplained feelings of fatigue or lack of energy over an extended period of time. Fatigue that is brought about by depression is not associated with other causes such as an increase in physical activity or other conditions.
Feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, worthlessness, and helplessness. When someone is depressed, these feelings occur nearly every day and can be severe enough to be delusional.
Hopelessness and Pessimism.
Oversleeping or insomnia.
Restlessness.
Loss of appetite or mindless comfort overeating.
Aches and pains that won’t go away.
Constant sad, anxious, or feelings of emptiness.
Suicidal thoughts or attempts and self-harming. A person suffering from depression may have recurrent deliberations of suicide or attempt suicide.

If you are feeling suicidal please get help by going to your A&E Department at the hospital or call 999 or call NHS 111 (England) or NHS Direct 0845 46 47 (Wales)

You may call the Samaritans on freephone 116 123 if you don’t want to go to A&E but want to talk to someone, they are open 24 hours.

You may also contact your GP for an emergency appointment or call the out of hors team.

There is help and treatment available, do not suffer in silence.

Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels

February 7, 2019

“Most days I am strong, some days, not at all.”

For the best part of my life, I never allowed myself a moment of weakness. I am the first-born, a mother and honorary parent to 3 of my siblings and a provider for my mother, who all live in Africa while I am in the UK.

Year after year, I had to listen to their demands and help out. Saying no to anything was never an option.

I had to find a way to pay that bill they had defaulted on so that they didn’t have their electricity or water cut off.

I had to contribute to the family crowd fund for the uncle that had been diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I had to contribute to the family during bereavements, irrespective of if the deceased had a funeral policy, it’s just the decent thing to do.

As soon as I posted a holiday picture or a picture of a night out, the requests came in. The strange thing is, it was never demanded but asked in a way that made me feel guilty for living my life.

But one day, I reached breaking point. I was struggling with my health, physically and mentally.

It took me a while to realise what was happening to me because I thought was Superwoman.

I didn’t have the time to be ill, too many people were counting on me and no way was I going to be lying here feeling sorry for myself. I needed to get up and work and do the tasks that I needed to do.

But I couldn’t.

Getting up for work became a challenge, driving became a chore. Stopping for petrol was terrifying and answering the phone was even worse.

It felt like my life was being taken over, I was tired all the time, I slept all the time.

I was sad all the time and angry most times and constantly under a fog that I couldn’t even shake off.

I lost confidence in myself and I just could not do anything to help myself.

The days went quickly and became just a blur and all I could think of was that I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

I avoided talking to people and to the ones I spoke to, I said I was fine. I really felt like I was letting everybody down by being ill but never at one time did I think of myself. Just others.

When I finally realised that I needed help, and got the treatment that has helped me a great deal, I knew that I had to adjust my way of life.

I learnt that no matter how hard it was, I have to try to put my needs first, that is why I am such a fan of the quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Recovery and rediscovery has been a very important part of my life in the last 18 months.

Most days I am strong, but some days, not at all.

There are days when I am up early and raring to go and there are days where I struggle to even get out of bed.

There are times when I write an article and it takes me at least an hour tops to publish, and there are times when it takes me over two weeks to articulate myself in my writing.

I have learnt that I have to listen to my body and not work overtime when I don’t need to.

I have learnt that I can say no to a request and not lose sleep over it.

I have learnt that I can sleep and not feel guilty for switching off my phone.

I know that whatever happens now, I can take one day at a time and that my mental health is just as important as my physical health.

We watch what we eat, exercise and even take supplements to enhance our physical health and its heavily advertised but but mental health issues are always talked about behind closed doors.

We need to make time for therapeutic activities such as mindfulness, relaxation, personal care and getting in touch with nature.

Let us be kind to ourselves as we are to others.

February 6, 2019

“I am fine, thank you.”

The stigma surrounding mental health and other illnesses stops people from sharing how they feel with the ones close to them.

I am one person that advocates for talking about mental health, but over time I have realised that some people who haven’t experienced any mental health problems are rarely sympathetic and feel like you should snap out of it and get on with other things to forget about what you are thinking about.

As soon as you mention depression, anxiety or ptsd, you are labelled as an attention seeker.

How then is one expected to open up about what they are going through when its not even taken seriously?

How do you answer a question like, ‘so when will you get better or will you be depressed all your life?’

The only time someone is taken seriously is when they have a public meltdown but not everyone that has mental health problems will breakdown in that kind of way. It can be experienced in many different ways, for instance;

Tiredness and loss of energy
Sadness that doesn’t go away for a long time
Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
Difficulty concentrating even on simple tasks
Not being able to find pleasure in things that you used to enjoy
Constantly feeling anxious

Not too long ago, I was sitting with someone and they asked me where I had been as they had not seen or heard from me for a while. As I spoke to them, they rolled their eyes, then they said you know, “you cant be taking every diagnosis that the doctor gives you seriously. Just listen and walk away. If I had listened to doctors, I would be having a list of ailments that I have to think of and hundreds of pills to take, but I rebuke them in Jesus’s name and I am well’.

She went on for a while about how she deals with her life and that she will never allow an illness to control her life and urged me to do the same.

I started wishing that I had just said ‘I am fine thanks, and you?’ and moved on, which is what a lot of people with mental health problems end up resorting to.

photo cred. -slideplayer — – Hello, how are you I am fine, thank you! And you

We still have a long way to go in educating people about mental health, especially in ethnic minority communities where culture, religion and social stigma play a big part in peoples lives.

It is not a weakness to accept your diagnosis and be treated for whatever illness you are suffering from, no matter how minor you think that it is.

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is!

December 4, 2018

Mental Health – How to identity and avoid triggers

When most people are recovering from mental illness their condition becomes more manageable. It is however important to understand that recovery is an ongoing process and that it is normal to have difficulties and setbacks along the way.

When you have achieved some stability and understand your illness and how to manage it, you have to identify what you need to do in order to stay well.

There are things in our lives that can accelerate mental health problems or impede on recovery.

Below are some examples:

Alcohol

It is important to limit or avoid alcohol because mental health problems not only result from drinking too much alcohol, they can also cause people to drink too much and make their problems worse. Some people tend to self-medicate with alcohol so that they can sleep or numb their feelings, but then they may wake up feeling worse because alcohol is a depressant which causes moods to fluctuate.

Stress

Stress can be overwhelming, it can cause anxiety and aggravate existing conditions. Sometimes we set unrealistic deadlines at work or overcommit to our families and not leave enough time for ourselves, then we end up getting stressed. Financial worries can cause stress and some stress can be a cause of mental conditions, but some can make it worse. It is important to identify potential stressors in your life in order to help with your recovery.

Over the counter medication

Most people are not comfortable talking to doctors or taking prescribed medications, so they end up buying over the counter medication to help with their symptoms but that can be as dangerous as not treating it at all. When you see a medical professional, they always ask if you are taking other medication so that they do not prescribe to you something that will counteract with the other. So, when you take other medication that is not prescribed to you, you could make your symptoms worse or take something completely harmful to your health.

Negative thoughts

It is common for people with mental health problems to experience negative thoughts and feelings which include but are not limited to sadness, guilt, helplessness and worthlessness and find them hard to shake off which can have detrimental effects on how they function in everyday life.

Negative thoughts can be draining and have you in a constant state of fight or flight which can leave you extremely fatigued.

Isolation

The stigma surrounding mental health can cause somebody with mental health problems to isolate themselves. When someone feels unwanted or unloved, they stay away from people and at times they are just unmotivated to be in social situations.

When one has encountered negative or judgemental people it is natural to prefer to be alone. Choosing to be alone and have some downtime is fine but withdrawal and isolation can be detrimental to one’s health as it can contribute to cardiovascular disease and insomnia which affects how the immune system functions.

Not taking care of yourself

Rest and recharge, the mind needs just as much rest as the body.

Some illnesses may require you to just take medication but mental illness like depression needs you to look after your physical well-being as well.

Self-care is paramount in recovery, one needs to learn and identify what is good and works for them.

Personal care and a clean environment goes a long way in assisting in recovery.

You need to eat well, sleep well, exercise and hydrate, as it has a direct impact on your physical and emotional well being.

November 13, 2018

Indoda Ayikhali – Men Dont Cry

‘Indoda Ayikhali’ (Men don’t cry)

Growing up in a Black African home that is all I ever heard and grew up believing, that showing emotions is for the weak.

Our fathers, brothers and uncles were raised to be protectors, to act tough and hide their weaknesses. They were expected to be fixers when the family had problems and be fearless in dealing with them.

Men who show their emotions are seen as weak, but men suffer mentally and emotionally as much as women, they just don’t show it as it is not socially acceptable to do so.

Most men with mental health illnesses deal with them by disconnecting themselves from people because they feel that is the manly thing to do.

Some bottle it up and ‘get on with it’ or even joke about it but not accept that there is a problem.

Sometimes they deal with it differently by being defensive, lashing out, acting irritably and refusing to cooperate with others.

Men are raised to behave a certain way, even women do not want to be involved with a man that they see as weak, so men bottle their feelings and hide their shortcomings.

This gender stereotype has led to a lot of young men taking their lives because they feel like they have failed their loved ones.

There is too much pressure to ‘man up’ that people do not seek the help they need.

Two thirds of the world’s suicides are committed by men because they are too ashamed to talk and get the help that they need.

Culturally, there are also some limitations when it comes to dealing with depression and other mental illnesses.

Sometimes illnesses are blamed on witchcraft and go untreated because they do not believe that it is medical.

What is depression they say? Stop being lazy!

Why do you want to adopt western values?

That is a rich man’s illness.

That is a white man’s illness.

Seriously, what has race got to do with it?

Do not stop taking your medication without supervision.

There is also a big misconception that medication makes people worse so those that are diagnosed avoid taking their medication or stop without supervision, only to make their symptoms worse.

Some men refuse to confront their mental conditions as they are convinced that they will be judged negatively by their loved ones.

It is hard for a man to admit he is suffering from a cold so how can he tell anyone that he is struggling with depression. They are told to ‘man up’ and deal with it.

There are some symptoms to look for when someone is struggling with depression

Changes in mood
Irresponsible behaviour –picking fights, gambling, excessive drinking
Drug abuse
Avoiding being with other people
Loss of libido
Constant complaints of fatigue
Loss of appetite or overeating unhealthy food
Irritability
Sleeping too much or too little

Some of the triggers to depression can be due to:

Financial problems
Death of a loved one
Break ups
Relationship problems
Stress at work
Health problems
Loss of work or earnings

When men struggle with depression, they find it hard to share it with anyone for fear of being judged. It takes a lot of strength to own up to shortcomings and vulnerabilities and take the proper steps toward doing something about it.

There is help and support for mental health problems. If you or your loved ones are experiencing any of the symptoms for prolonged periods of time it is advisable to see a medical professional.

Let us encourage boys and men to talk about their mental health and get the help that they need.

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is.