It’s not our job to fix people. It’s our job to love them even while they are broken.
Not lucky enough to have owned the Kate Spade handbag but I sure know what depression feels like…
Earlier today the news emerged that designer Kate Spade had taken her own life, leaving a 13 year old daughter and husband.
A child has lost a mother, a husband has lost a wife, irrespective of their marital problems.
Suicide is a choice they say.. But is it?
People that die of suicide will not be thinking straight at their time of death, their mental illnesses cause them to reach that point.
It is evident she was not in a happy place because she would not have ended her life and left a teenage child without a mother.
No matter what she wrote on her suicide note, the reasons are never going to be explanation enough to her family and those closest to her.
There are so many questions left unasked and unanswered. There will be so many stories that will emerge, some sympathetic, some; not so much.
No one knows what she was feeling during her last days for her to end her life the way she did.
One does not simply choose to die as though they are deciding what to make for dinner… “err, actually, I think I will die now”.
There are so many factors that cause someone to sink to a certain low, feel worthless and no matter how much they try, they feel that they are better off dead.
People who are affected by mental health disorders are more likely to commit suicide. Sometimes it is known before a persons death but sometimes it is known after.
Depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are the most common mental health disorders that contribute to suicide.
When a person is so overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and worthlessness they often think that they have no other option and start contemplating suicide.
It is hard to know how someone is feeling but there are usually tell tale signs that can indicate that they are depressed or have suicidal tendencies for instance ;
- Avoiding social situations.
- Feeling hopeless and helpless.
- Exhibiting feelings of strong anger or rage.
- Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
- Abusing drugs or alcohol and self harming.
- Exhibiting changes in personality.
- Constant talk or writing about death or suicide.
It is important to watch out for theses signs and take action to enable someone to get the help that they need and possibly prevent a tragic suicide attempt or death.
The stigma surrounding mental health and suicide makes them taboo subjects to talk about. Most people that have suicidal thoughts do not want to burden anyone with their problems so they do not reach out for fear of being judged and accused of attention seeking.
Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is. Let’s stop the stigma!
Rest in peace Kate Spade
Photos by Pexels, Getty Images
Sources :healthline.org, www.suicide.org, www.thesamaritans.org
Protect your personal space, maintain your sanity.
It is Ok to walk away from negative relationships or those that have no regards to boundaries and personal space.
Dear Family
My first thought was to say I am sorry for disgracing you by addressing my depression publicly, but after giving it some thought, I feel I owe you no apologies.
I am not sorry for realising that something was going on in my life and I could not get out a depressive mode.
I am not sorry that I accepted my diagnosis and got the help that I needed. No, I am not crazy, in fact I can focus a lot more clearly now that I understand what is happening.
I am tired of being sorry that I can not please you and I can finally take the time that I need to look after my self.
I am tired of picking up your pieces and being asked to be the mediator in your fights only to be blamed for things later.
I am tired of being the person you guilt trip into babysitting, running your errands and lending you money that never gets repaid.
I am tired of being afraid to say I just need time out today or have a lie in for fear of being called lazy.
I am tired of being validated by what I do for you. It will never be enough, the more I do the more the demands get.
I am fed up of your constant opinions that hinder me from using my ideas and moving on with my life. Why do you feel the need to bring me down all the time?
I am learning to be brave enough to say no when I can not do something for you whether it pleases you or not.
I am learning to rest when my body needs it and do things on my terms.
I am learning to embark on projects that I want and let you know about them later, I do not need permission to do what I want but you have made me feel like that for as long as I can remember.
I am learning that though I may be far from perfect, I can strive be the best person that i can be.
I am learning that you and I can have a relationship without me being, your fixer, your cashpoint, your driver, your maid and your punchbag.
Finally I feel a release, a strong sense of freedom that I can focus on myself for a change, put myself first for a change.
That is not to say that I will not help when you are in need but I need to be comfortable and want to help and not feel under pressure to do something for you because you need me to.
Depression: Supporting loved ones
Experiencing depression can be very overwhelming to the sufferer and to close family and friends.
We all have moments of feeling down or sad but if these emotions persist over a long period of time or become severe, it may be a sign that someone may be suffering from depression.
It is important to support loved ones by encouraging that they seek help and reassure them that it is Ok to ask for help.
Encourage them to talk about how they feel as it may sometimes be hard for them to express themselves. Some people feel that it is a sign of weakness to share their feelings.
Sometimes its good to just listen, having someone to talk to and not be judged about how you feel or be told to ‘get over it and ‘we all go through it’ does not help the person experiencing depression. In fact, it forces them to shut down and be more private about their situation leading them to suffer in silence.
If you do not live with them, try to keep in touch more often. Sometimes they may not even have the energy to keep up with day to day things like making phone calls or leaving the house.
It may be hard to understand why your friend or family member is depressed especially if you have not experienced it yourself. Please try not to be judgemental or find blame as to why the person is suffering from depression. It is not easy to snap out of it, there is no magic button to switch off depression. Do not be critical of their situation or make it about yourself and say, “we all get depressed, I have it but I manage, stop thinking too much”.
If they have been prescribed medication, support them to continue with their medication especially in the first few weeks while they adjust to the medication and experience some unpleasant side effects.
Encourage them to see their doctor if they feel worse with their medication or the side effects are continuous.
While it is tempting to help them with everything, it is important to encourage them to undertake their day to day tasks like cooking, cleaning and going to do their food shopping.
It is also important to look after yourself so that you have the energy to support your friend or family member. If you feel that you can not help them it is Ok to be honest and say that you can’t help and suggest that they seek help of professionals if they need to.