timeout | Beyond The Shade

September 12, 2019

How to get a good night’s sleep

Getting enough sleep is vital for our physical and mental health.

The average healthy adult should sleep for at least 7 and a half to 8 hours a day, but a lot of us have either very little or too much sleep.

A good night’s sleep is important for everyone and if deprived, it can lead to someone feeling more than just tired.

Lack of sleep slows down cognitive function leading to learning disabilities in children, memory impairment in people of all ages, personality changes and depression.

It can negatively affect one’s life by contributing to the development of ailments such as obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

When people are deprived of sleep, they experience difficulty in making decisions, easily get irritable, have slower reaction times and perform tasks poorly.

Here are some tips that may be helpful for a good night’s sleep

Choose a relaxing bedtime routine and keep it regular. You can wind down each night by having a warm bath, reading, listening to soft music or meditating. Try to wake up at the same time each morning including on days off.
Establish the best sleeping environment by ensuring that your bedroom is comfortable, dark, cool or warm to your liking. If your room is too light, you may consider using blackout curtains or a sleep mask.
Avoid using bright screens before bed, the body reacts to unexpected doses of blue and white light which can cause insomnia.
Don’t go to bed with a negative mindset. If you go to bed worrying about events or stressing that you won’t be able to go through the next day without sleep, you won’t be able to relax into a restful sleep.
Use your bed for sleep and intimacy. It’s easy to watch television or use the computer in your bedroom to finish up some work but try to avoid doing that as your sleep environment will become your work environment and you wont rest.
Plan your next day before you settle down for bed. Try writing a to-do list for the next morning so that you won’t be playing your duties over in your head when you go to sleep.
Limit nap times. If you are very tired and a nap can’t be avoided, try to limit them to no longer than 30 minutes and not too late in the afternoon.
Exercise regularly but not too vigorously close to your bedtime.
Avoid Stimulants. Tea, coffee and chocolate are all stimulants that can affect your sleep and should be avoided at least 4 hours before bedtime. Heavy meals should not be eaten before bedtime as well.
Switch off your mobile or silence it so that you do not get disturbed while you are asleep.

The most important thing is finding what works for you and sticking with it so that you may have a healthy sleeping pattern, that may be beneficial to your physical and mental wellbeing.

February 7, 2019

“Most days I am strong, some days, not at all.”

For the best part of my life, I never allowed myself a moment of weakness. I am the first-born, a mother and honorary parent to 3 of my siblings and a provider for my mother, who all live in Africa while I am in the UK.

Year after year, I had to listen to their demands and help out. Saying no to anything was never an option.

I had to find a way to pay that bill they had defaulted on so that they didn’t have their electricity or water cut off.

I had to contribute to the family crowd fund for the uncle that had been diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I had to contribute to the family during bereavements, irrespective of if the deceased had a funeral policy, it’s just the decent thing to do.

As soon as I posted a holiday picture or a picture of a night out, the requests came in. The strange thing is, it was never demanded but asked in a way that made me feel guilty for living my life.

But one day, I reached breaking point. I was struggling with my health, physically and mentally.

It took me a while to realise what was happening to me because I thought was Superwoman.

I didn’t have the time to be ill, too many people were counting on me and no way was I going to be lying here feeling sorry for myself. I needed to get up and work and do the tasks that I needed to do.

But I couldn’t.

Getting up for work became a challenge, driving became a chore. Stopping for petrol was terrifying and answering the phone was even worse.

It felt like my life was being taken over, I was tired all the time, I slept all the time.

I was sad all the time and angry most times and constantly under a fog that I couldn’t even shake off.

I lost confidence in myself and I just could not do anything to help myself.

The days went quickly and became just a blur and all I could think of was that I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

I avoided talking to people and to the ones I spoke to, I said I was fine. I really felt like I was letting everybody down by being ill but never at one time did I think of myself. Just others.

When I finally realised that I needed help, and got the treatment that has helped me a great deal, I knew that I had to adjust my way of life.

I learnt that no matter how hard it was, I have to try to put my needs first, that is why I am such a fan of the quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Recovery and rediscovery has been a very important part of my life in the last 18 months.

Most days I am strong, but some days, not at all.

There are days when I am up early and raring to go and there are days where I struggle to even get out of bed.

There are times when I write an article and it takes me at least an hour tops to publish, and there are times when it takes me over two weeks to articulate myself in my writing.

I have learnt that I have to listen to my body and not work overtime when I don’t need to.

I have learnt that I can say no to a request and not lose sleep over it.

I have learnt that I can sleep and not feel guilty for switching off my phone.

I know that whatever happens now, I can take one day at a time and that my mental health is just as important as my physical health.

We watch what we eat, exercise and even take supplements to enhance our physical health and its heavily advertised but but mental health issues are always talked about behind closed doors.

We need to make time for therapeutic activities such as mindfulness, relaxation, personal care and getting in touch with nature.

Let us be kind to ourselves as we are to others.

January 1, 2019January 1, 2019

Happy New Year 2019

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Tony Robbins

Now that we have rung in the New Year and have our shiny note books and diaries filled with New Year’s resolutions, we will be raring to go and ticking each resolution day by day.

Some people will start off the new year well and then ditch their New Year’s resolutions as they will be feeling that they are impractical and that they have aimed too high. This is also a reason why some people decide not to make any new years resolutions at all.

For those that have made resolutions, it is never going to be smooth sailing all the time. There will be a day when you don’t follow your resolutions to the smallest detail, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up or feel like a failure.

If for example, your plan was to exercise every day; it may be necessary to take a break or make a minor adjustment and train every other day than to scrap your idea to keep fit completely.

It always feels easier to bail out, give up and tell ourselves that we are failures, but there is no one on this earth that has never had a set back in their life and we need to know that they occur.

Making resolutions and achieving them is difficult enough, but if you suffer from anxiety it can be even more difficult. It is important to remind yourself that these feelings are common and everyone experiences them.

There are ways to help with setting goals and keeping them:

Set fewer goals and do a bit at a time

The fewer to do lists you have, the better the chance of you accomplishing your goals. Take each day as it comes and don’t be hard on yourself for having a couple of bad days, but don’t give up and the more consistent you are, the better you become at accomplishing your tasks.

Learn to identify and avoid distractions

It is normal for us human beings to get sidetracked and when we do, we stay away from our work and neglect goals. After a few days break we tend to feel demotivated to continue with the tasks at hand and that is when we feel like we have failed. This should not be used as an excuse to not fulfil your dreams.

Surround yourself with people that believe in you

One of the best ways of helping yourself get over your fear and anxiety of working on and achieving your goals is to surround yourself with people who you trust, that believe in you and can be positive reinforcements to you. It doesn’t matter if its one person or a group of people, but it helps to have moral support and some accountability.

It doesn’t matter how much time it takes for you to achieve your goals but the most important thing to do is start today so that your dreams can become a reality. Take small steps, one day at a time and do not be hard on yourself when you need time out. It would be useful to identify your negative thoughts and accept that they are not a reflection of reality.

Go ahead, set your goals and have a fantastic 2019.

July 23, 2018

The Cure for Depression: Meditate, Pray, Journal, etc. — The Bipolar Writer Blog – A Mental Health Blog

Welcome to suggestion #12 on curing depression. I’ve got a word for you fellow depressors: Mindfulness. Have you heard that one lately? I don’t even social media that much since realizing it contributed an unhealthy amount to my negative self-image and my -sorry; rambling. I don’t get around much, and even I saw that word everywhere. […]

via The Cure for Depression: Meditate, Pray, Journal, etc. — The Bipolar Writer Blog – A Mental Health Blog

July 18, 2018

Depression is real – We just don’t talk about it enough

The Destiny’s Child singer Michelle Williams, who has previously spoken about her depression and feeling suicidal has checked into a mental health facility for treatment.

Singer Michelle Williams is seeking help for depression

It is not very easy for people of colour to talk about their feelings especially when struggling with depression. Their symptoms are usually attributed to weakness, laziness and attention seeking.

Most times, we only find out when someone has taken their own life that they have been suffering in silence. Michelle has shown immense strength in speaking out and and hopefully it will encourage other people to seek the help that they need.

The 37 year old singer confirmed on her social media pages;

There are people who will say Michelle Williams has had a great life, successful career and recently got engaged to her fiancee; what has she got to be depressed about?

But, depression is not about how much or how little you have. It is a neurological disease associated with the dysfunction of specific brain regions and not simply a consequence of a bad lifestyle and psychological weakness.

Depression brings feelings of sadness and a loss of interest in activities that one once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
Changes in appetite and weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Loss of energy or increased fatigue
Feeling worthless or guilty
Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide

The stigma surrounding mental health can worsen someone’s problems and impede their recovery. It affects their employability and social inclusion in mainstream society.

People are encouraged to talk about how they feel, but the greatest difficulty is finding who to talk to and who to trust.

Today social media is abuzz with all the support for Michelle Williams, she has done the right thing in taking time to focus on her recovery as she has been struggling for a while but; she didn’t stop encouraging others’ to take care of their mental health.

Let us continue to talk about it and get help when we need it, for ourselves and, for our loved ones. Help is always at hand. You can make an appointment to see your GP or call NHS on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.

Sources: Harvard Health; Mentalhealth.org; Mind.org.uk

March 23, 2018

Most days I am strong. Some days, not at all

There are days when I feel energetic and full of life. When I can do everything on my daily to-do list and more.

When my mind is sharp and my ideas seem to make sense.

When I feel like I am achieving my goals and making my deadlines.

When I am certain that all is well and everything is going to plan.

Then I have a day off or two when it feels like the world has stopped. When I keep meaning to do the laundry then leaving it for the next day.

When I receive bills and let them pile up but tell myself its not urgent until a reminder comes through the post.

When I say I will return a phone call and then forget all about it or pick up my phone and end up doing other things on it other than making that call.

When I am just doing things on autopilot, because I have to.

It is not always easy, but that is the time I have learnt to take a moment and make time for myself as I have come to realise that my mental well-being is as important as my physical well-being.

Actually, if I don’t feel well mentally, there is not much physical activity that I can do so I have come up with a few coping strategies to help me through those days and I will share them with you.

Firstly, tidy up your space

Clean your bedroom or room that you enjoy resting in. There is a possibility that when you are feeling low, you will clutter your house and not have the energy to clean up and when you are in that environment you will feel more depressed.

Get some well needed sleep

Chances are, you are tired from your busy schedule. Make it a habit to get to bed at a decent time and aim to sleep for at least 7-8 hours. Switch off alarms if its at the weekend and have a lie in.

Avoid binge watching TV programmes

I am not saying don’t watch TV but my own experiences have been that whenever I get into something that I find interesting, I can’t resist the temptation to watch ‘just one more episode’, causing me to sleep for less hours than I need.

Also, when I have binge watched a programme, I suffer from serious withdrawal symptoms when a series ends. I feel completely lost and unmotivated. That itself causes me to get very low and feel helpless after.

Meditate

When you have chosen your peaceful location, sit in silence and breathe. Pray or listen to guided meditation to help with stress, feel more present and have better sleep.

Take a break from social media

Its very tempting to spend a lot of time on social media, one video on Facebook leads to another and before you know it you have been glued to the phone for hours.

Read a book

Find a good book and read a few chapters at a time. Try not to stay up all night reading because the story line is good and you are curious to to find out what happens at the end.

Consider getting help

If you are consistently suffering from low mood and you have tried self help techniques but you are not getting any better maybe its time you paid your GP a visit and discuss your symptoms so that you may get professional help.

Depression and anxiety can easily be mistaken for laziness and complacency in some communities. Please do not suffer in silence.

Staying silent is not being strong. Speaking out is!

January 29, 2018

Dear Family

My first thought was to say I am sorry for disgracing you by addressing my depression publicly, but after giving it some thought, I feel I owe you no apologies.

I am not sorry for realising that something was going on in my life and I could not get out a depressive mode.

I am not sorry that I accepted my diagnosis and got the help that I needed. No, I am not crazy, in fact I can focus a lot more clearly now that I understand what is happening.

I am tired of being sorry that I can not please you and I can finally take the time that I need to look after my self.

I am tired of picking up your pieces and being asked to be the mediator in your fights only to be blamed for things later.

I am tired of being the person you guilt trip into babysitting, running your errands and lending you money that never gets repaid.

I am tired of being afraid to say I just need time out today or have a lie in for fear of being called lazy.

I am tired of being validated by what I do for you. It will never be enough, the more I do the more the demands get.

I am fed up of your constant opinions that hinder me from using my ideas and moving on with my life. Why do you feel the need to bring me down all the time?

I am learning to be brave enough to say no when I can not do something for you whether it pleases you or not.

I am learning to rest when my body needs it and do things on my terms.

I am learning to embark on projects that I want and let you know about them later, I do not need permission to do what I want but you have made me feel like that for as long as I can remember.

I am learning that though I may be far from perfect, I can strive be the best person that i can be.

I am learning that you and I can have a relationship without me being, your fixer, your cashpoint, your driver, your maid and your punchbag.

Finally I feel a release, a strong sense of freedom that I can focus on myself for a change, put myself first for a change.

That is not to say that I will not help when you are in need but I need to be comfortable and want to help and not feel under pressure to do something for you because you need me to.