Tag: BLACK

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“Black African people do not get depressed!”

 

‘Black African people do not get depressed!’

This is a statement I hear time and time again when talking about mental health with members of ethnic African communities who believe that mental illness is a ‘white’ thing.

According to the World Health Organisation, 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

Depression affects people of all ages, from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how old you are or what colour you are.

Unfortunately people from certain cultures are primed from an early age to suppress their feelings, hide how they feel and conceal their illnesses.

Why do black people have to be so strong about everything? We are constantly being reminded that ‘you are a strong black woman or you are a strong black man, you cannot be so weak to admit you are struggling with any mental illness’.  It is just not acceptable to do so as it is an embarrassment to your family members.

We are supposed to pray away our illnesses and have the faith  in God to overcome all obstacles that come our way. We have to pray against generation curses and spiritual enemies that come to us in the form of mental illness.

Scriptures are often quoted that make someone that is suffering from an illness feel like guilty for not knowing those bible verses and for not believing in the healing power of God.

I accept that prayer, meditation, mindfulness and all alternative therapies are good for ones well-being but they can’t be used as a substitute for treatment of illnesses which can potentially be life threatening.

Depression is an illness that seems to be only acceptable to people that are well off financially in certain places. Poorer people are not expected to say that they suffer from depression, they have too many other problems to worry about instead of wallowing in self pity.

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that stops  black people from seeking proper medical treatment for mental health problems.

We are told we can make it through anything, our people survived slavery after all.

Some of the comments that put people off seeking treatment or talking about their health problems are these;

  • ‘You shouldn’t be so weak, tell your problems to God and not a stranger, why are you seeing a therapist?’
  • ‘Don’t take medication, it will make you crazy. People who take medication get worse anyway.’
  • ‘What if you get sectioned? You could lose your children.’
  • ‘Cheer up, there are people going through worse; think about the children that are starving in poorer parts of the world.’
  • ‘You worry too much, you should learn to relax. What are you thinking of anyway?’
  • ‘That is life, get over it!’

The people that choose to seek help and take medication or have therapy, do so in private without their family members knowing about it because It is never received well.

When people are struggling they do not need to be reminded of how strong they are or should be,  it deters them from seeking the help that could benefit their health.

The rates of unexplained suicides has risen and in most cases a person will have been struggling with mental health issues but not talking about it because of fear of judgement and being seen as weak.

We need to be more understanding and supportive of each other and if people close to us show signs of depression or any mental health problems we need to be able to talk to them about it, not fob them off and tell them to snap out of it or tell them to be strong.

The new parent struggling to cope with their new born may not be lazy or unloving to their baby but they could be suffering from post-natal depression. Post-natal depression does not only affect first time mothers, it can affect them after the birth of a second or third child even though it didn’t happen with previous children and  it can affect the fathers too. No new parent should feel embarrassed or ashamed to concede that they are struggling, and having postpartum depression does not make anyone a terrible parent.

One of the main reasons that people do not seek treatment for depression  apart from the social stigma and discrimination is the high cost of medical treatment. When people can’t afford to pay for treatment for other common ailments, they do not feel that they should be complaining of ‘sadness’ and going to seek medical help for it.

Suppressing emotions is seen as  a sign of strength but it is not. Identifying that you have a diagnosable illness and seeking help is being strong but we still have a long way to go in talking about mental health and understanding that there is treatment for illnesses.

Depression does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, it doesn’t care about your gender, religious views, your weight or age. It can affect anyone and at anytime of their lives. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and the earlier that treatment begins, the more successful it can be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Indoda Ayikhali – Men Dont Cry

‘Indoda Ayikhali’ (Men don’t cry)

Growing up in a Black African home that is all I ever heard and grew up believing, that showing emotions is for the weak.

Our fathers, brothers and uncles were raised to be protectors, to act tough and hide their weaknesses. They were expected to be fixers when the family had problems and be fearless in dealing with them.

Men are expected hide their weaknesses.

Men who show their emotions are seen as weak, but men suffer mentally and emotionally as much as women, they just don’t show it as it is not socially acceptable to do so.

Most men with mental health illnesses deal with them by disconnecting themselves from people because they feel that is the manly thing to do.

Some bottle it up and ‘get on with it’ or even joke about it but not accept that there is a problem.

Sometimes they deal with it differently by being defensive, lashing out, acting irritably and refusing to cooperate with others.

Men are raised to behave a certain way, even women do not want to be involved with a man that they see as weak, so men bottle their feelings and hide their shortcomings.

This gender stereotype has led to a lot of young men taking their lives because they feel like they have failed their loved ones.

There is too much pressure to ‘man up’ that people do not seek the help they need.

Two thirds of the world’s suicides are committed by men because they are too ashamed to talk and get the help that they need.

Culturally, there are also some limitations when it comes to dealing with depression and other mental illnesses.

Sometimes illnesses are blamed on witchcraft and go untreated because they do not believe that it is medical.

What is depression they say? Stop being lazy!

Why do you want to adopt western values?

That is a rich man’s illness.

That is a white man’s illness.

Seriously, what has race got to do with it?

Do not stop taking your medication without supervision.

There is also a big misconception that medication makes people worse so those that are diagnosed avoid taking their medication or stop without supervision, only to make their symptoms worse.

Some men refuse to confront their mental conditions as they are convinced that they will be judged negatively by their loved ones.

It is hard for a man to admit he is suffering from a cold so how can he tell anyone that he is struggling with depression. They are told to ‘man up’ and deal with it.

There are some symptoms to look for when someone is struggling with depression

  • Changes in mood
  • Irresponsible behaviour –picking fights, gambling, excessive drinking
  • Drug abuse
  • Avoiding being with other people
  • Loss of libido
  • Constant complaints of fatigue
  • Loss of appetite or overeating unhealthy food
  • Irritability
  • Sleeping too much or too little

Some of the triggers to depression can be due to:

  • Financial problems
  • Death of a loved one
  • Break ups
  • Relationship problems
  • Stress at work
  • Health problems
  • Loss of work or earnings

When men struggle with depression, they find it hard to share it with anyone for fear of being judged. It takes a lot of strength to own up to shortcomings and vulnerabilities and take the proper steps toward doing something about it.

There is help and support for mental health problems. If you or your loved ones are experiencing any of the symptoms for prolonged periods of time it is advisable to see a medical professional.

Let us encourage boys and men to talk about their mental health and get the help that they need.

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is.

 

 

 

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Depression – Breaking the Stigma

 

Depression does not discriminate against race, gender, religious beliefs, financial status, age, and gender. As a black African woman that has experienced depression both personally and professionally, it has not been an easy topic to talk about with family, friends and acquaintances.

There are a lot of myths about depression and anxiety that cause a lot of confusion which can keep people from reaching out for help. Most people are afraid to ask for help among their peers, as they would be considered to be lazy or crazy.

Many people see mental illness as a weakness or personal failure and the following statements are usually made;

“Depression does not affect black people, its something the white privileged suffer from.”

“You need to get over it, find a hobby, take a walk.”

“Oh, stop being so sensitive!”

“Don’t take the medication, it will only make you worse.”

This makes people who are struggling with depression hold back on sharing how they feel.

Culturally we are taught to keep our feelings to ourselves. If you find yourself struggling at school, college or work, you cannot complain openly about things, as you feel conscious that you may be seen as being entitled, weak or merely just using it as an excuse for your laziness. Some depression is attributed to witchcraft or attention seeking and guilt.

We are conditioned from an early age to look out for others, help as much as we can, give as much as we can but it is not easy to say no, not today, I am tired, I need a break and just need to rest or have time to myself for fear of being seen as selfish.

We are constantly reminded that our lives are better than others who are living in impoverished countries. What have you got to be depressed about? You live in England; you have a job and a partner, think of people struggling back home or the ones in Ethiopia and Somalia who have no food or clean water.

The only time people cry openly is usually when there is a death of a loved one. Generally, crying is seen as a weakness and people tend to suffer in silence. We are supposed to be able to make it through anything. Our ancestors made it through slavery, we can make it through all the hard times, we have to keep going, and we have to be strong.

But what happens then when you have been too strong for too long? When you are tired of carrying other people’s problems and need time out? When you feel overwhelmed and need to find refuge in someone or somewhere?

While spiritual support is an important part of healing, the care of a qualified mental health professional is very important as with any other medical condition. Treatment should be sought earlier for it to be more effective.

We cannot simply ‘pray away’ depression or any form of mental illness. Why is it set apart from illnesses, such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure where one can get medication to help with their symptoms and be open about it?

The stigma surrounding antidepressants causes some people to accept their diagnosis but not share and not take their medication. They will be feeling worse each day, picking up their prescription every month after telling their doctor that they are no better and just stacking the medication in the drawer.

There is very little sympathy in some communities in relation to depression as people do not know how to handle it or what to say to someone suffering from depression. It is important that we come together to address mental illnesses and break the stigma attached to it because it can affect anyone.

If you start to feel like your life isn’t worth living or you want to harm yourself, get help straight away.

Either see your GP or call NHS 111. You can also call Samaritans on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.

 

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I Want To Be Free…

Dear friend

The last few months have been a roller coaster, constantly turning and not stopping.

I watched my days turn into nights, nights back into days – a walking zombie, doing so much yet achieving so little.

All the time you asked how I was, I said I was fine. All the jokes I received from you I responded with a laughing emoji or just an ‘LOL’.

What you don’t know was that there were days that I could not even summon the strength to get out of the bed or even take a phone call. I had no energy or motivation to feel happy for myself or anyone for that matter even if they had shared good news.

I would drift in an out of sleep and hate myself for being so lazy. I took some time off work because I was struggling with day-to-day tasks and I thought a break would do me good.

I would wait until it was dark to go to the convenience store and by then it would be too late to cook so I would buy myself a packet of  chocolate digestive biscuits to have with a cup of tea before bed. But I wouldn’t have 2 or 4 or 6, I would gradually eat all the biscuits and wonder where they all went.

I would lie awake till the early hours of morning then I would sleep until lunchtime feeling guilty for my laziness, hating myself for not training and binge eating. I would be snappy and burst into tears for the most trivial things.

I would look at my reflection in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back at me. I would just feel so tired, not motivated to do anything at all.

I would lie in bed for hours watching the news but if you asked me what was happening around the world, I would not know. I was absent from my own existence most of the time.

Each night I would make a list of things to do the next day, but each morning I woke up, I struggled with the smallest of tasks.

I pushed myself to do a course that I wanted to do as I had free time. I almost did not make it to the exam as the anxiety kicked in and I had a million and one excuses in my head why it was probably a better idea to postpone to another day.

It was one of those exams centres where you get your results printed straight away. I got my results slip and just put in my handbag and left the exam centre. I got home, looked at the results slip .. ‘I had passed’.

There was no elation, no happiness, just relief that I would not have to do it again. I changed into my pyjamas, got into bed and forgot all about it for a few days.

One morning I woke up supercharged and felt like I could take on the world. I cleaned and decluttered the house and started sending out applications for new jobs.

My CV was received well. My phone was ringing with recruiters wanting to chat about roles they could offer but I just could not muster the strength to take the calls. I didn’t feel good enough for the roles, I just wanted to curl up and hide.

What if they interview me and they don’t like me? What if I don’t hear from them? And with the calls that I took, I would obsess about my responses, did I say the right thing, should I have said this instead of that?

I would then be back on that roller coaster again. I felt like I was constantly running but not reaching my destination, I was just getting more and more exhausted.

Images that show what it feels like to suffer from mental illness. Bringing the inside to the outside.

Days rolled into nights, nights turned into days and quickly into weeks and months. I lost track of time.

Social events became a chore. I made every excuse possible to not go anywhere and if I plucked up the courage to go, I would be late because of procrastinating, should I shouldn’t I? Will I look silly in this outfit? Will I be comfortable with the people around me? Things that never used to bother me were starting to bother me.

Driving became a challenge, stopping for petrol became a challenge, getting out of bed was nearly impossible. I just could not understand what was going on.

I totally lost the zest for life, didn’t have the energy to exercise or even leave the house. I was tired and aching but I could not understand what was going on. I was getting used to being confined to the bubble that I had created, I would imagine myself dead after a road accident while I was driving. If I was at a strain station, I would fantasise about standing at the edge of a platform while a fast train passed.

Photo by Pexels

It got to a point that my thinking was so irrational and I would get upset by the smallest things. I just could not stop it, I wished it would stop, I prayed it would stop but I just continued in my never-ending burnt out state.

I knew I couldn’t continue feeling that way and I made an appointment to see the doctor. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after an hours consultation of describing how I felt.

I was given treatment options but none were forced on me. It was entirely up to me to make the decision which I made in a few days.

I will not lie and say it was easy, but knowing that what I was going through had a name, that I was not the only one going through it and that I could get better gave me a better outlook to life.

I am recovering, I know it will take a while to heal but I am getting better everyday.

I am taking things slowly, one day at a time in order to find stability and improve my well-being.

I do not feel like I am running to an unreachable destination.

I am not afraid of the future. I am facing my fears one by one. I still have bad days, but my good days are better.

I am sharing because I want to be free.

I want to be free to tell you that I really feel like ‘crap’ if you talk to me when I am having a bad day.

I am learning to say no when I feel like I have overcommitted myself.

I am learning that my strength and resilience is what will see me through.

I am learning to to love myself, put my needs first as I cannot help others if I am unwell.

I have decided that depression will not define me. I do not want to conform to a label.

I have control of my life and I will fight everyday to overcome this and encourage other people not to hide how they are feeling.

I know that I will be learning for a long time, but I am excited at a future where I can have control of my life and not hide behind a label.

Staying silent is not being strong. Speaking out is!

 

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Welcome

Please join me on my journey of self discovery.

This is my blog where i write about things close to my heart.

I am not a person that focuses on one thing, I like to do different things and have different experiences.

My attention span would not allow me to do that, and I would get bored. Now, who wants a bored writer.

There are a few things close to my heart that I wil write about, especially the stigma attached to black people and mental health, mainly depression and anxiety that I have first hand experience with.

I hope to help other people and impart in their lives positivity, leading to fulfillment.