coronavirus | Beyond The Shade

October 9, 2020

Lockdown and Losing a Loved One

About 6 months ago I wrote an upbeat post at the beginning of the lockdown. I thought it would be an easy few weeks, working from home, shopping online, and not having to rush anywhere. A lot of us thought that it would pass quickly.

As I settled into lockdown and watched the infection and morbidity rates going up daily, panic started setting in. There was a national fear of food shortages and people were clearing out the shelves in the shops until they started rationing how many products each person could buy.

Our hospital, doctors, and dentist appointments were postponed or getting canceled to keep the facilities available for people who have been affected by Covid19.

Events were cancelled, churches and schools closed, so most parents had to home school their children, work meetings, and church were done via Zoom videos. We started coming to terms with our new normal, masks when out in public, no eating out, not seeing friends and family that didn’t live with us.

Our new normal [Image by Queven from Pixabay]

What I wasn’t prepared for during that time was my partner having a cardiac arrest and having to administer CPR to him to try and save his life.

Everything happened so quickly, I don’t even know how long I was doing CPR for, from the time I called 999 to when the paramedics came in and it was terrifying to see them come in wearing full hazmat suits because of the risk of Covid19.

I was allowed to go with him to the hospital, and the nurses gave me an apron, gloves, a mask to put on. It was so hot and claustrophobic under all the protective wear but all the safety precautions needed to be done.

My partner remained unresponsive, and he made a terrible gurgling sound which I have now learned is called the ‘death rattle’, it was such a hard noise to listen to as I was informed that these were his last hours and while it was uncomfortable for me to watch, he was unconscious and not in pain, even though it looked like he was.

Masks while essential, make it difficult to convey a message or show sympathy [Image by Cico Zeljko from Pixabay]

I had the doctors come and talk to me and it felt so impersonal, having a conversation about someone’s end of life when all I could see were their eyes. The masks, while essential, take away the emotion and compassion that one may be trying to convey.

I was crippled with fear and I kept hoping he would pull through. I never thought that in my lifetime I would have to stand by and watch a loved one slip away. I prayed for a miracle even though I knew the chances of him having a full recovery were slim.

I was sent home and told to expect the worst within about 48 hours, most of which I spent on autopilot. My family is scattered all over the world and they tried their best to support via text, phone, and Whatsapp but I was too distressed to speak.

As I was leaving home for the hospital the next day, I got the call to say that he had passed away. I can’t even begin to describe what I felt at that moment, it was a lot!

It didn’t help that we were still on lockdown and I couldn’t even have a relative come over to help out due to being in isolation as I had spent time with my partner at the hospital.

Once people got the news, the phone calls started coming in. Some were from well-meaning people passing their condolences but some, I felt, got rather intrusive and asking personal questions – like, ‘was it COVID19?’, ‘did he have a will?’, ‘was the house in both your names?’ and ‘did he have life insurance?’.

I realised that I was trying too hard to talk to everyone that reached out to me and I was starting to feel overwhelmed with all the attention I was getting. When I mentioned that to a friend she said “you don’t need to answer all the phone calls or respond to the text messages straight away. People will understand that you’re having a tough time.” That brought a bit of relief to me.

I wanted to talk to everyone that called me

It has been 17 weeks since he passed away and I have been on an emotional roller coaster since then. I lost all my coping mechanisms, lost my zest for life and while I had been making progress and weaning off antidepressants, I now needed to have them increased.

While I had been on a good routine of eating well and exercising pre-lockdown, I started to comfort eat to numb my feelings of loneliness, grief, fear, sadness, and lack of sleep.

I used to have someone to encourage me, laugh with, eat with, and make plans with so it’s daunting to think of life on my own. Now I’m thinking of Christmas and the lockdown restrictions we are facing again and knowing that I can’t even visit my family in South Africa makes me sadder.

I am taking one day at a time and learning that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, that its okay to cry, and that there is no right or wrong way to grieve a loved one. There are no set timelines on grief but I know that it gets better with time even though some days I wake up and the memory is as fresh as though it has just happened.

April 1, 2020

Care Tips To Help Ease Stress During Lockdown

This is a stressful time not just in the homes across the nation but all over the world. For most people this has been the longest that they have stayed at home when they are not on annual leave or holiday, and at the moment they are not staying in because they choose to but because they need to, for their own safety and all those around them.

There is nowhere to escape to, no gym, no pub and no mates houses to go and hangout when one needs a place a distraction.

My friends and I have been chatting a lot on WhatsApp and Messenger and I will share with you some of the tips we have been talking about and find useful.

Try to have a morning workout

Some stretches and gentle exercises would be good to do in the morning before you get start checking your email and getting down to work.

If you have children you may choose to exercise before they wake and have that as your ‘me time’ or if they are at an age where they enjoy exercising, then make it into a family activity and you can bond with your family through exercise.

2. Shower and change daily

We have been joking around a lot about waking at 7.57am and being at our desks at 8am, but it’s very important to shower and change before we start working or doing our other duties. It actually makes you feel better.

3. Maintain a routine

If you don’t know what you’re doing from one day to the next you will start to get overwhelmed and not finish your projects if you are working from home.

Keep your bedtimes and wake up time the same as you would if you are working in an office or commute. That way it will also be easy for you to make the transition back to the office when the time comes.

4. Take a break

Take a break from work as you would in the office and stretch your legs. If you have a garden or balcony thats good because you can get some air but if not you can still pause and put the kettle on.

5. Switch of the telly during work time

I am guilty of having the news on the loop all day but I am aware of what a distraction that is. The best advice is to catch up with the morning news, we all need to know what is happing around us and then get on with what we need to do.

6. Switch off work devices during down time or family time

It is easy to get caught up in work and let it over lap onto rest time when we are working from home but it’s equally important to maintain our working hours and then put our work away in order to rest and catch up with the news, our kids and our friends.

7. Find a good book to read

Most people buy books and don’t read them, now is the time to find those books and enjoy some quiet time.

You can also read audio books, e-books or your favourite blogs and listen to podcasts.

8. Play games and do some crafts

Many people play games on their mobiles, my nephew loves video games and if you have cards, monopoly or scrabble, now is the time to pull them out and get everyone involved.

Pull out those crafting projects you have been meaning to finish for years and complete them.

9. Meditate and practice relaxation

Find a quiet place and meditate, pray or listen to some soothing music to unwind as that can help you to slow down and relieve some of your stress.

10. Have a long bath or shower

Having a long bath or shower can be calming at the end of the day so treat yourself to a relaxing bath or a nice shower and change into comfortable clothes then you can chill out.

11. Cook your meals

Try some simple recipes and cook yourself some nice meals. It’s so easy to snack when we are stuck at home so managing eating times and what we snack on is important. Make use of the stuff in your freezers and cupboard and experiment with herbs and spices.

12. Clean your space

It would be helpful if you clean your work and living space and have it tidy so that its more pleasant to stay in or work in. You can’t think straight when you are in cluttered or overcrowded spaces so if you live in a small place you could pick a corner that you can have as a safe space.

13. Stay in touch with others

Keep in touch with your friends and family via mediums suitable to you and avoid passing on fake news or misleading information to each other. Support each other during this difficult time.

14. Know your limits

It’s easy to tick checklists and listen to other peoples advice but ultimately it lies with you. You have to know and understand what you can do and what you can’t do during this difficult time and do what works for you and the people around you.

March 25, 2020March 25, 2020

It’s Time To Check On Your Friends

We are officially on lockdown and I feel like I’m under house arrest.

I am trying to make use of all the free time that I have and I realised there are a lot of people I have lost touch with over time and found myself thinking of them at this time.

Everyone is doing the best they can but it will be good to check on each other from time to time.

This is not a time to be visiting each other but staying in contact is possible through phones and social mediums. This is the time to pick up that landline that you haven’t used in years since you got dependent on your mobile phone.

Check on your friends, the strong, the self sufficient and the ones struggling with their mental health.

Check on your friends that suffer from anxiety and find it difficult to go out and do their shopping without having panic attacks.

Check on your relatives and the elderly around you and the vulnerable if you have their contact numbers. This will be a very scary time for them.

Be nice to the people around you and offer kind words. This is a difficult time for many and some people have shown how stressful situations can turn them into ‘not so nice people’, as some of you may have witnessed it when out shopping during the toilet paper fiasco.

If you are not expected to be at work, please follow the guidelines and stay at home.

If you are working during this difficult time, please follow the personal protection protocols for your safety and your families.

This will pass, but we all need to do our bit.

Stay safe people!!

March 24, 2020

Coronavirus: Protect your mental health during lockdown

Social distancing, self isolation, quarantine and many more words that encourage people to stay safe during the Covid-19 pandemic have been on the media as schools and businesses shut down and people go on a rampage to buy as much supplies as they can in the event of a lock down.

This is a very scary time for many and like most infectious diseases, the impact of the coronavirus can affect our mental health.

We have been advised by the government to stay at home except to pick up essentials, like food and medication or go to work if you are a stated frontline worker; to avoid being on a group of more than two at any given time and to practice safer hygiene measures like hand washing as soon as we get home if we have been out and before handling all food.

Wash your hands regularly and when you have been in public spaces

It’s upsetting to be asked to stop working, we have bills to pay and its distressing to think of what will happen going forward as no specific timeline has been given, but that we stay on lockdown for 21 days.

However, it may help to look at things a bit differently.

Firstly, use it as a time to rest and reflect. Apart from the frontline workers, most people are at home, some with their families and some alone.

You could create a new routine that fits in with your family and self care.

A lot of parents will be home schooling at this time, so it’s important that they make time to help their children with school work and also have time to rest.

Now is the time to read those books gathering dust on the shelves, trying a new recipe, catching up on movies that you have been wanting to watch for a while.

While it’s good to catch up on the news, do not have it on constantly as that will make you more anxious. Don’t trawl social media and internet sites following conspiracy theories and speculation of the illness.

Watching what we eat will be a challenge in the coming weeks. When people are going to work and school they have breakfast, carry a packed lunch or pick up something light then they have dinner at home.

Now, with the lockdown and most people being at home at the same time, it’s so easy to keep going to the fridge or cupboard to grab a snack as and when one feels like.

It will be good to minimise our intake of junk foods and candy because comfort eating will only lead to more stress when people have gained weight after this period.

Eating a healthy balanced diet will be good for your physical and mental health

The gyms have been shut down and people will be wary about going out to exercise even though the government guidelines advise us to do so at least once a day, but there are a lot of YouTube channels where people can get free exercises that are easy enough to do at home and fit it in with their kids.

Staying in touch online, on the phone and on video calls with family and friends that you don’t live with would be helpful during this time of social distancing but do not share or circulate information from unreliable sources as this will cause more anxiety.

Check on your elderly relatives and people that live alone and those that you know are vulnerable because this is going to be a very difficult time for them.

Do not stay up all night binge watching series only to spend all day in bed the next day, that will make you less productive during the day. Create a routine of going to bed and getting up at the same time each day and avoid taking your phone to bed.

Do not self diagnose or self prescribe medications. If you take prescription medication continue taking the stated dosages and do not share medication.

If your feel your mental state is getting worse or you are worried about someone here is a list of things you can do:

You can call NHS 111 if you or someone you know needs urgent care, do not go to A and E or visit doctors surgeries at this time.

If you’re under the care of a mental health team and have a care plan that states who to contact when you need urgent care please do so.

The Samaritans have a free number to call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and you can talk to someone in confidence whenever you need to on 116 123. Calls to this number will not appear on your telephone bills.

Stay safe, stay home; as this will make it easier for the medical teams to do their work and follow the given guidelines, they are there for a reason.