Are you depending on other people for your happiness?

All of us want to be happy and all of us deserve to be happy.

There are many things in our lives that bring us joy; our families, friendships, partnerships, possessions and jobs.

We all need to give and get support from others, but how much do we rely on the people around us for our inner happiness? How much are we attached to the things that we believe bring us happiness?

It is good to have healthy relationships and healthy attachments with people so that when they are not around, you can still function and progress on your own.

When you are emotionally dependent on your children and they grow up and leave home, you will be left with a void that can’t be filled. It is best for parents not to “live for their kids”, find new interests and hobbies so that when the time comes, they do not get deeply affected by the changes.

According to research (Psychology Today), Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) that persists for a long time ends up developing into depression.

Sometimes the children do not turn out to be what the parents expected them to become and it leaves them feeling resentful and betrayed because they projected the children to be their source of happiness.

When you are attached to a partner and the relationship ends, it takes away a significant part of you because you would have been living a life based on feeding your need to be wanted.

If you have friends and you find yourself getting upset when you discover that they are attending an event that you haven’t been invited to, then you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

You have to understand and accept that people can be friends with you and acquainted with others; and vice versa. They may be friendly with other workmates or parents at their children’s schools and they do not need a green light from you to go where they are invited.

Maybe they just want a break from you and your neediness, and so they  choose to go with other people.

Here are some of the signs that you may be relying on other people to make you happy:

• Do you find it difficult to be alone and get anxious when people don’t respond to your calls?
• Do you feel hurt when people you consider to be friends don’t invite you to a party or social event?
• Do you feel good when you are getting approval and praise from people around you but feel dispirited when you don’t?
• Do you feel neglected when your partner is out with his/her friends or workmates?
• Do you find someone sitting quietly and assume that they are upset with you about something even though they are just reflecting?
• When you are in a romantic relationship do you feel that you can’t live without the person you are dating?
• Do you think that your partner or children should always be there for you even when they have other things going on in their lives?

 

There is a difference between loving someone and being needy. When you abandon yourself and expect other people to fill your inner void you will become dependent on their company to feel good.

No one should enter into any form of relationship with someone and expect to be instantly fixed of their emotional baggage. You have to be ready to stand on your own first before you allow people into your life so that they do not influence your decisions.

All grow-ups need to take responsibility for their physical and emotional well-being and not depend on others to make it worthwhile for them.

You have to learn to create your own happiness, fall in love with yourself first then you won’t need to be so dependent on other people. In fact, you will be able to love others freely and be able to let go without losing a part of yourself.

You should not be relying on anyone to make you happy.