Tag: mindfulness

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Dear Mums, You Don’t Have To be Perfect

 

I came across this quote and it made me think about the sacrifices parents make for their children, especially mothers.

“Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” [Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm]

Every so often we do too much, take on more than we can or need to until we get to a point that we can no longer manage, and our mental and physical health starts to suffer.

When we take on too many projects than we can handle, we are left feeling anxious to meet the deadlines, burnt out from doing too much, and depressed that we couldn’t finish the tasks on time or didn’t manage to complete them at all.

Taking on too many  assignments leaves you overwhelmed

We need to know that it’s okay to take a break from the pressures of life, say no to invitations to the events that we don’t want to attend, and be selective about the activities we put ourselves up for.

Most of my friends are mothers who need to run their households, looking after kids, doing school runs, keeping social and health appointments, sports activities and some also work full time.

It’s hard work keeping up with social and medical appointments

By the time the stay-at-home mums drop the kids off at school, go back home and do the cleaning, pick up the shopping, it’s almost time to pick up the children from school again and make dinner.

The working parents have to manage their schedules to fit in with school dropoffs, picking up from babysitters or after-school clubs, go home and make dinner get the kids ready for bed, and do it all over again the next day.

Working mothers have to juggle work and childcare

Working overtime with no breaks and no time out to recharge for yourself is not good, but most mums feel that if they stop then it means that they are not good parents. It’s not the amount of time we spend with the kids that matters, it’s the amount of quality time we spend with them.

Sometimes even the partners are not aware of how much the mothers do on a daily basis. It is okay to ask for help, perhaps with cleaning once in a while or having a sitter come in and look after the kids for a few hours while you go to the gym, a walk, coffee with friends, or just to take a nap and have a rest.

It’s okay to ask for help

 

Here are a few tips to help you slow down

Enjoy the little time you have alone – don’t spend your time alone at home after dropping off kids at school feeling anxious about how they are getting on. The teachers are trained to look after the children during that time, instead, read a book or write a journal.

Read a book or write a journal

Make some time to unwind – if you have a few minutes to yourself, even 5 to 10 mins, you can close your eyes and use this time to practice mindfulness, meditate, take deep breaths and clear your thoughts.

Make some time to unwind

Take Walks – you can do this with your dog if you have one or with the children at a safe place where children can safely run around and get some fresh air. It is good for you and the children’s mental health and also helps them to sleep better at night.

Take walks

Take a Power Nap – A power nap can help you recharge. You don’t have to sleep for hours – just 30 minutes to an hour can help you feel rested and you can continue with your tasks.

Treat yourself to a relaxing bath – when you’re on a tight schedule it’s always quick showers and out of a house, so having a long warm bath feels like a treat. When the kids have settled in for the night, light some nice smelling candles, put some soothing bath salts and soak in a bubble bath. You will feel refreshed.

Treat yourself to a relaxing bath

 Watch what you eat – When you’re busy with the children and activities it is easy to eat on the hoof. Most mums will grab a chocolate bar and a coffee to go, on the way to pick up the kids from school and nibble on what the children are having for dinner and not make time for their own nutrition. That is also detrimental to overall wellbeing so it is very important to make time to prepare, sit and eat healthy meals.

Watch what you eat

 

To all the mothers out there, please do not find excuses that will keep you from taking a break. You do not have to be perfect, we become better parents when we are rested and happy, not when we are depressed and overwhelmed by our schedules and children. You do need to feel guilty for taking care of yourself, you deserve the break.

 

 

 

 

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8 Tips To Boost Your Mental Well-being

Your present way of life may not be helpful in keeping up your mental wellness. Generally, people are always rushing about, stressing about work and children and don’t leave much time for relaxation. Being active and doing things that boost psychological wellness can be an amazing method to advance the nature of your everyday life.

Apply these tips consistently:

Stay in touch with others.

Having solid and positive interactions with others has a significant impact on mental wellbeing. You will be less lonely when you communicate with other people.

Of late, it has been difficult to meet up with friends and families due to the lockdowns brought about by the Covid 19 pandemic, but you can make use of video calls phone calls.

Keep fit

The more unfit we are, the more our mental health suffers so it’s important to maintain our physical health so that our mental health improves.

With local gyms and recreational centres closed during the lockdown, coming out for a walk each day or every other day and getting some fresh air could be beneficial for mental health.

Consistently challenge yourself.

Try something new like cooking a dish you have never made, bake a cake, or simply declutter that drawer with plastic bags and takeaway menus that you have been meaning to throw out for several months. Set small goals and try to stick with them

Figure out how to manage pressure successfully.

Sometimes we do things that we think make us feel better but in essence, they make our situation worse. For instance, if you are a comfort eater, ordering a takeaway or digging into a tub of ice cream will leave you feeling worse off in the long term financially, and also when you gain weight you will not feel good about yourself.

Instead, it would help to try exercises like yoga and Pilates, meditate, chat to a mate or read.

Make time to help those in need

When you help other people and they are happy, you also feel good. It is also a way to keep in touch with other people.

You can volunteer to pick up groceries and prescriptions for vulnerable people and senior citizens during this lockdown.

Practice methods to calm your mind and get a good nights sleep

Because our minds are continually anxious; thinking, anticipating, and recollecting even when we don’t think that they are, we need to figure out how to control them.

Reflection, meditation, prayer, and mindfulness can help with figuring out how to calm down your brain. It might take a couple of attempts in light of the fact that our brains continue to stray and don’t have any desire to be calm but with daily practice, it can be achieved.

Normalise asking for help

 When you bruise your shin, you reach for plaster, when you break your arm you go to the hospital and when you are feeling physically sick it’s easy to ask for help but when one struggles with their mental health it’s not so easy to reach out for help.

Asking for help is hard and might take a lot out of you but it is not a weakness. You can speak to a trusted family member, church member, teacher or call NHS 111 and Samaritans 116 123.

Keep a diary.

Keeping a diary is a good way to not only record your feelings and thoughts but can improve your ability to think critically. You could record events of your day, plan ahead for future events and journal your feelings.

When you have a diary and keep a to-do list, it helps alleviate procrastination and you can tick off the tasks as you go along and not forget what you wanted to do on a particular day.

It is also a good way to record your feelings, on good days you can write about how you feel and what made you feel good and on bad days write about what upset you or made your day not as expected.

Mental and physical health is essential to everyone’s well-being. When we are unwell for long periods of time it starts to affect our ability to be good parents, partners, friends, or employees. These tips are good guidelines on how we can manage our day-to-day lives but when you consistently feel low it is best to see your GP or contact some mental health helplines for more information on where to get help.

 

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

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Care Tips To Help Ease Stress During Lockdown

This is a stressful time not just in the  homes across the nation but all over the world. For most people this has been the longest that they have stayed at home when they are not on annual leave or holiday, and at the moment they are not staying in because they choose to but  because they need to, for their own safety and all those around them.

There is nowhere to escape to, no gym, no pub and no mates houses to go and hangout when one needs a place a distraction.

My friends and I have been chatting a lot on WhatsApp and Messenger and I will share with you some of the tips we have been talking about and find useful.

 

  1. Try to have a morning workout

 

Some stretches and gentle exercises would be good to do in the morning before you get start checking your email and getting down to work.

If you have children you may choose to exercise before they wake and have that as your ‘me time’ or if they are at an age where they enjoy exercising, then make it into a family activity and you can bond with your family through exercise.

 

2. Shower and change daily

 

We have been joking around a lot about waking at 7.57am and being at our desks at 8am, but it’s very important to shower and change before we start working or doing our other duties. It actually makes you feel better.

 

3. Maintain a routine

 

If you don’t know what you’re doing from one day to the next you will start to get overwhelmed and not finish your projects if you are working from home.

Keep your bedtimes and wake up time the same as you would if you are working in an office or commute. That way it will also be easy for you to make the transition back to the office when the time comes.

 

4. Take a break

 

Take a break from work as you would in the office and stretch your legs. If you have a garden or balcony thats good because you can get some air but if not you can still pause and put the kettle on.

 

5. Switch of the telly during work time

 

I am guilty of having the news on the loop all day but I am aware of what a distraction that is. The best advice is to catch up with the morning news, we all need to know what is happing around us and then get on with what we need to do.

 

6. Switch off work devices during down time or family time

 

It is easy to get caught up in  work and let it over lap onto rest time when we are working from home but it’s equally important to maintain our working hours and then put our work away in order to rest and catch up with the news, our kids and our friends.

 

7. Find a good book to read

 

Most people buy books and don’t read them, now is the time to find those books and enjoy some quiet time.

You can also read audio books, e-books or your favourite blogs and listen to podcasts.

 

8. Play games and do some crafts

 

Many people play games on their mobiles, my nephew loves video games and if you have cards, monopoly or scrabble, now is the time to pull them out and get everyone involved.

Pull out those crafting projects you have been meaning to finish for years and complete them.

 

9. Meditate and practice relaxation

 

Find a quiet place and meditate, pray or listen to some soothing music to unwind as that can  help you to slow down and relieve some of your stress.

 

10. Have a long bath or shower

 

Having a long bath or shower can be calming at the end of the day so treat yourself to a relaxing bath or a nice shower and change into comfortable clothes then you can chill out.

 

11. Cook your meals

 

Try some simple recipes and cook yourself some nice meals. It’s so easy to snack when we are stuck at home so managing eating times and what we snack on is important. Make use of the stuff in your freezers and cupboard and experiment with herbs and spices.

 

12. Clean your space

 

It would be helpful if you clean your work and living space and have it tidy so that its more pleasant to stay in or work in. You can’t think straight when you are in cluttered or overcrowded spaces so if you live in a small place you could pick a corner that you can have as a safe space.

 

13. Stay in touch with others

 

Keep in touch with your friends and family via mediums suitable to you and avoid passing on fake news or misleading information to each other. Support each other during this difficult time.

 

14. Know your limits

It’s easy to tick checklists and listen to other peoples advice but ultimately it lies with you. You have to know and understand what you can do and what you can’t do during this difficult time and do what works for you and the people around you.

 

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“Black African people do not get depressed!”

 

‘Black African people do not get depressed!’

This is a statement I hear time and time again when talking about mental health with members of ethnic African communities who believe that mental illness is a ‘white’ thing.

According to the World Health Organisation, 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

Depression affects people of all ages, from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how old you are or what colour you are.

Unfortunately people from certain cultures are primed from an early age to suppress their feelings, hide how they feel and conceal their illnesses.

Why do black people have to be so strong about everything? We are constantly being reminded that ‘you are a strong black woman or you are a strong black man, you cannot be so weak to admit you are struggling with any mental illness’.  It is just not acceptable to do so as it is an embarrassment to your family members.

We are supposed to pray away our illnesses and have the faith  in God to overcome all obstacles that come our way. We have to pray against generation curses and spiritual enemies that come to us in the form of mental illness.

Scriptures are often quoted that make someone that is suffering from an illness feel like guilty for not knowing those bible verses and for not believing in the healing power of God.

I accept that prayer, meditation, mindfulness and all alternative therapies are good for ones well-being but they can’t be used as a substitute for treatment of illnesses which can potentially be life threatening.

Depression is an illness that seems to be only acceptable to people that are well off financially in certain places. Poorer people are not expected to say that they suffer from depression, they have too many other problems to worry about instead of wallowing in self pity.

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that stops  black people from seeking proper medical treatment for mental health problems.

We are told we can make it through anything, our people survived slavery after all.

Some of the comments that put people off seeking treatment or talking about their health problems are these;

  • ‘You shouldn’t be so weak, tell your problems to God and not a stranger, why are you seeing a therapist?’
  • ‘Don’t take medication, it will make you crazy. People who take medication get worse anyway.’
  • ‘What if you get sectioned? You could lose your children.’
  • ‘Cheer up, there are people going through worse; think about the children that are starving in poorer parts of the world.’
  • ‘You worry too much, you should learn to relax. What are you thinking of anyway?’
  • ‘That is life, get over it!’

The people that choose to seek help and take medication or have therapy, do so in private without their family members knowing about it because It is never received well.

When people are struggling they do not need to be reminded of how strong they are or should be,  it deters them from seeking the help that could benefit their health.

The rates of unexplained suicides has risen and in most cases a person will have been struggling with mental health issues but not talking about it because of fear of judgement and being seen as weak.

We need to be more understanding and supportive of each other and if people close to us show signs of depression or any mental health problems we need to be able to talk to them about it, not fob them off and tell them to snap out of it or tell them to be strong.

The new parent struggling to cope with their new born may not be lazy or unloving to their baby but they could be suffering from post-natal depression. Post-natal depression does not only affect first time mothers, it can affect them after the birth of a second or third child even though it didn’t happen with previous children and  it can affect the fathers too. No new parent should feel embarrassed or ashamed to concede that they are struggling, and having postpartum depression does not make anyone a terrible parent.

One of the main reasons that people do not seek treatment for depression  apart from the social stigma and discrimination is the high cost of medical treatment. When people can’t afford to pay for treatment for other common ailments, they do not feel that they should be complaining of ‘sadness’ and going to seek medical help for it.

Suppressing emotions is seen as  a sign of strength but it is not. Identifying that you have a diagnosable illness and seeking help is being strong but we still have a long way to go in talking about mental health and understanding that there is treatment for illnesses.

Depression does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, it doesn’t care about your gender, religious views, your weight or age. It can affect anyone and at anytime of their lives. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and the earlier that treatment begins, the more successful it can be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It is important to put yourself on top of your list

Many times when we are asked to write down the most important things in our lives, the top of our list is usually our children, families, and jobs but never ourselves.

That is because of the general misconception that putting yourself first is being selfish, as the old teaching goes – put others before yourself.

Putting yourself first is not disregarding other peoples needs, it is taking responsibility for yourself so that you can have the resources and energy to help others.

You can not prioritise someones comfort when you are not in a good place.

You can not cover someones expenses before you take care of your own.

You can not feed other people before you eat, well you can, but what good are you doing then if you can not take care of yourself but want to take care of others.

Actually when I read this back right now, part of me feels selfish for saying these things but I am done feeling guilty for learning that it is important to take care of my needs first.

Naturally, givers do not have anyone to help them out when they are in need.

Those very people that you go out of your way to help when they are down never have anything to offer during your time of need and more often than not, they do not say that because they don’t have the money or time but because they do not know how to give, only to receive.

When I first started flying, I used to wonder why during the safety demonstration before take off, we were encouraged to put on our oxygen masks first before we help the young and elderly.

It bothered me because I thought that if I was travelling with a child, I would probably break the rules and look after my child first but think about it, it only takes a few seconds to grab your own mask then you can help and do a lot more good instead of passing out before you even help anyone.

It is always good practice to give and share and look after other people but take the time to look after yourself first so that you may be able to help others without feeling under pressure or burning out from over stretching yourself.

Photos by pexels and pixaby