“Black African people do not get depressed!”

 

‘Black African people do not get depressed!’

This is a statement I hear time and time again when talking about mental health with members of ethnic African communities who believe that mental illness is a ‘white’ thing.

According to the World Health Organisation, 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

Depression affects people of all ages, from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how old you are or what colour you are.

Unfortunately people from certain cultures are primed from an early age to suppress their feelings, hide how they feel and conceal their illnesses.

Why do black people have to be so strong about everything? We are constantly being reminded that ‘you are a strong black woman or you are a strong black man, you cannot be so weak to admit you are struggling with any mental illness’.  It is just not acceptable to do so as it is an embarrassment to your family members.

We are supposed to pray away our illnesses and have the faith  in God to overcome all obstacles that come our way. We have to pray against generation curses and spiritual enemies that come to us in the form of mental illness.

Scriptures are often quoted that make someone that is suffering from an illness feel like guilty for not knowing those bible verses and for not believing in the healing power of God.

I accept that prayer, meditation, mindfulness and all alternative therapies are good for ones well-being but they can’t be used as a substitute for treatment of illnesses which can potentially be life threatening.

Depression is an illness that seems to be only acceptable to people that are well off financially in certain places. Poorer people are not expected to say that they suffer from depression, they have too many other problems to worry about instead of wallowing in self pity.

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that stops  black people from seeking proper medical treatment for mental health problems.

We are told we can make it through anything, our people survived slavery after all.

Some of the comments that put people off seeking treatment or talking about their health problems are these;

  • ‘You shouldn’t be so weak, tell your problems to God and not a stranger, why are you seeing a therapist?’
  • ‘Don’t take medication, it will make you crazy. People who take medication get worse anyway.’
  • ‘What if you get sectioned? You could lose your children.’
  • ‘Cheer up, there are people going through worse; think about the children that are starving in poorer parts of the world.’
  • ‘You worry too much, you should learn to relax. What are you thinking of anyway?’
  • ‘That is life, get over it!’

The people that choose to seek help and take medication or have therapy, do so in private without their family members knowing about it because It is never received well.

When people are struggling they do not need to be reminded of how strong they are or should be,  it deters them from seeking the help that could benefit their health.

The rates of unexplained suicides has risen and in most cases a person will have been struggling with mental health issues but not talking about it because of fear of judgement and being seen as weak.

We need to be more understanding and supportive of each other and if people close to us show signs of depression or any mental health problems we need to be able to talk to them about it, not fob them off and tell them to snap out of it or tell them to be strong.

The new parent struggling to cope with their new born may not be lazy or unloving to their baby but they could be suffering from post-natal depression. Post-natal depression does not only affect first time mothers, it can affect them after the birth of a second or third child even though it didn’t happen with previous children and  it can affect the fathers too. No new parent should feel embarrassed or ashamed to concede that they are struggling, and having postpartum depression does not make anyone a terrible parent.

One of the main reasons that people do not seek treatment for depression  apart from the social stigma and discrimination is the high cost of medical treatment. When people can’t afford to pay for treatment for other common ailments, they do not feel that they should be complaining of ‘sadness’ and going to seek medical help for it.

Suppressing emotions is seen as  a sign of strength but it is not. Identifying that you have a diagnosable illness and seeking help is being strong but we still have a long way to go in talking about mental health and understanding that there is treatment for illnesses.

Depression does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, it doesn’t care about your gender, religious views, your weight or age. It can affect anyone and at anytime of their lives. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and the earlier that treatment begins, the more successful it can be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is the company you keep making you sick?

Our friends and family are the people we reach out to when we want company, a listening ear or just a chat but some of these relationships can have negative effects on our mental health.

No one wants to be a ‘Billy no mates’ but is it worth holding on to certain people or relationships if they do not make us feel good?

Generally, we all want a stress-free life and sometimes it is easy to just let things go than to address them, sometimes we don’t even notice certain behaviours until they have become the norm and by then may be difficult to deal with them.

Do you find yourself altering your behaviour to fit in with certain people?

We have a right to our individuality and when you find yourself altering yourself to fit in with a friend or friends then you need to re evaluate that relationship.

Friends should accept you as you are, as you should them but if they are dominant and you find it easier to just go with the flow than to express yourself, then you need new friends that won’t make you feel like that.

You shouldn’t stress more over your companion’s endorsement than your very own opinions and beliefs.

 

Real friends who care about your mental health and well-being don’t;

 

  • Constantly reprimand you or bring you down, instead they should help lift your spirits than to scold you or criticise you in a bad way. There is a difference in giving advice and being patronising.

 

  • Make jokes about you that make you feel uncomfortable, then accuse you of not being able to take a joke. You cannot be the butt of someone’s jokes especially if they are personal and they get a kick out of doing that in public. You should not feel anxious about spending time with people that you consider to be friends.

 

  • Invade your personal space and force you to hang out when you don’t feel up to it and accuse you of being a party pooper. We all have good and bad days and our friends should be understanding when we don’t want to go out. When someone politely declines an invitation, respect that!

 

  • Make backhanded comments; for instance, you have a haircut and your friend says why did you cut your hair? It makes your ears look bigger, I actually prefer you with your hair done this way or that way. That does nothing for your self-esteem, and you cannot constantly tweak your self to fit in with people and stay sane.

 

  • Make you choose between your partner, other friends and them. You can be friends with more than one person and should not be dictated to who you should make acquaintance with or not.

Friendships should be fun and nurturing and when you feel drained by them perhaps you need to think of making changes to certain relationships. If anyone makes you question your self worth, constantly makes you uncomfortable then you should say something to them and if they don’t acknowledge their behaviour and treat you better, then you should consider staying away from those people.

We can not simply pray away mental illness

Prayer is good, mediation helps but we can not pray away mental illnesses. While it may be comforting to ‘take our troubles to the Lord in prayer’, it is also important that we seek medical help for health conditions.

We can not pray away mental illness

There are some people that pray relentlessly for healing but not get healed. What do you think goes through those peoples minds when they do not get better after prayer? A lot of times people start to feel like failures, that they have sinned and do not deserve to get healed from their sickness.

Let us encourage loved ones that are suffering, especially with mental health conditions to seek medical help, then we can pray with them; if that is what you do and it is within their beliefs.

This morning I read that  Pastor Andrew Stoecklein of Inland Hills, Chino, California had taken his life after battling depression and anxiety. He was only 30 years old, leaving behind a wife and 3 sons.

Pastor Andrew Stoecklein of Inland Hills Church took his life after battling with anxiety and depression. (Inland Hills Church)

This is not a man who didn’t know how to pray. He prayed with and for other people as well as teach. He was a leader that was looked upon as a responsible person in society and religious communities but he suffered from depression.

He probably couldn’t share what was really troubling him as everyone looked to him for answers. It can get very lonely at the top.

His church announced, “In his time leading Inland Hills, Andrew reached so many with his warm wit, passionate heart for God, and teaching that always, always pointed others to Jesus. The loving husband, father, son, and friend that he was will continue to inspire us in leading others into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ,”

Mental illness should not be considered as demonic, it is a reality. It is a dysfunction rooted in the structure of the personality and most times caused by traumatic, physical or psychological experiences or genetic imbalances. In most cases medication can help a person lead an almost normal life.

The churches need to step up and teach their congregants about mental health and the help they can get professionally. If people can seek medical help for all other illnesses they should be encouraged to do so for their mental health, then the in-house counselling can be offered. People should not be afraid to reach out when they are suffering.

Let us continue to talk about mental health and get help when we need it, for ourselves and, for our loved ones. Help is always at hand. You can make an appointment to see your  GP or call NHS  on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.

 

 

 

Depression is real – We just don’t talk about it enough

The Destiny’s Child singer Michelle Williams, who has previously spoken about her depression and feeling suicidal has checked into a mental health facility for treatment.

Singer Michelle Williams is seeking help for depression

It is not very easy for people of colour to talk about their feelings especially when struggling with depression. Their symptoms are usually attributed to weakness, laziness and attention seeking.

Most times, we only find out when someone has taken their own life that they have been suffering in silence. Michelle has shown immense strength in speaking out and and hopefully it will encourage other people to seek the help that they need.

The 37 year old singer confirmed on her social media pages;

There are people who will say Michelle Williams has had a great life, successful career and recently got engaged to her fiancee; what has she got to be depressed about?

But, depression is not about how much or how little you have. It is a neurological disease associated with the dysfunction of specific brain regions and not simply a consequence of a bad lifestyle and psychological weakness.

Depression brings feelings of sadness and a loss of interest in activities that one once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

  • Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
  • Changes in appetite and weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Loss of energy or increased fatigue
  • Feeling worthless or guilty
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

The stigma surrounding mental health can worsen someone’€s problems and impede their recovery. It affects their employability and social inclusion in mainstream society.

People are encouraged to talk about how they feel, but the greatest difficulty is finding who to talk to and who to trust.

Today social media is abuzz with all the support for Michelle Williams, she has done the right thing in taking time to focus on her recovery as she has been struggling for a while but; she didn’t stop encouraging others’ to take care of their mental health.

Let us continue to talk about it and get help when we need it, for ourselves and, for our loved ones. Help is always at hand. You can make an appointment to see your  GP or call NHS  on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.

 

Sources: Harvard Health; Mentalhealth.org; Mind.org.uk

Choose Life

When you feel like there is no choice

Choose life

In the midst of a storm and you feel all alone

Choose life

When you think you have reached breaking point

Choose life

When you feel like a failure

Choose life

When that break up hurts so bad, choose you

Choose life

Times can get hard, but

Choose life

When you get overwhelmed by life’s problems

Choose life

When you are plagued by unhealthy thoughts

Choose life

When you feel like you are out of solutions

Choose life

When you think that no one will listen, there is always support

Choose life

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is

Choose life

Not lucky enough to have owned the Kate Spade handbag but I sure know what depression feels like…

Earlier today the news emerged that  designer Kate Spade had taken her own life, leaving a 13 year old daughter and husband.

A child has lost a mother, a husband has lost a wife, irrespective of their marital problems.

photo by getty images
Rest in peace Kate Spade

Suicide is a choice they say.. But is it?

People that die of suicide will not be thinking straight at their time of death, their mental illnesses cause them to reach that point.

It is evident she was not in a happy place because she would not have ended her life and left a teenage child without a mother.

No matter what she wrote on her suicide note, the reasons are never going to be explanation enough to her family and those closest to her.

There are so many questions left unasked and unanswered. There will be so many stories that will emerge, some sympathetic, some; not so much.

No one knows what she was feeling during her last days for her to end her life the way she did.

One does not simply choose to die as though they are deciding what to make for dinner… “err, actually, I think I will die now”.

There are so many factors that cause someone to sink to a certain low, feel worthless and no matter how much they try, they feel that they are better off dead.

People who are affected by mental health disorders are more likely to commit suicide. Sometimes it is known before a persons death but sometimes it is known after.

Depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are the most common mental health disorders that contribute to suicide.

When a person is  so overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and worthlessness they often think that they have no other option and start contemplating suicide.

It is hard to know how someone is feeling but there are usually tell tale signs that can indicate that they are depressed or have suicidal tendencies for instance ;

  • Avoiding social situations.
  • Feeling hopeless and helpless.
  • Exhibiting feelings of strong anger or rage.
  • Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
  • Abusing drugs or alcohol and self harming.
  • Exhibiting changes in personality.
  • Constant talk or writing about death or suicide.

It is important to watch out for theses signs and take action to enable someone to get the help that they need and possibly prevent a tragic suicide attempt or death.

The stigma surrounding mental health and suicide makes them taboo subjects to talk about. Most people that have suicidal thoughts do not want to burden anyone with their problems so they do not reach out for fear of being judged and accused of attention seeking.

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is. Let’s stop the stigma!

Rest in peace Kate Spade

 

Photos by Pexels, Getty Images

Sources :healthline.org, www.suicide.org, www.thesamaritans.org

 

Most days I am strong. Some days, not at all

There are days when I feel energetic and full of life. When I can do everything on my daily to-do list and more.

When my mind is sharp and my ideas seem to make sense.

When I feel like I am achieving my goals and making my deadlines.

When I am certain that all is well and everything is going to plan.

Then I have a day off or two when it feels like the world has stopped. When I keep meaning to do the laundry then leaving it for the next day.

When I receive bills and let them pile up but tell myself its not urgent until a reminder comes through the post.

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When I say I will return a phone call and then forget all about it or pick up my phone and end up doing other things on it other than making that call.

When I am just doing things on autopilot, because I have to.

It is not always easy, but that is the time I have learnt to take a moment and make time for myself  as I have come to realise that my mental well-being is as important as my physical well-being.

Actually, if I don’t feel well mentally, there is not much physical activity that I can do so I have come up with a few coping strategies to help me through those days and I will share them with you.

Firstly, tidy up your space

Clean your bedroom or room that you enjoy resting in.  There is a possibility that when you are feeling low, you will clutter your house and not have the energy to clean up and when you are in that environment you will feel more depressed.

Get some well needed sleep

Chances are, you are tired from your busy schedule. Make it a habit to get to bed at a decent time and aim to sleep for at least 7-8 hours. Switch off alarms if its at the weekend and have a lie in.

Avoid binge watching TV programmes

I am not saying don’t watch TV but my own experiences have been that whenever I get into something that I find interesting, I can’t resist the temptation to watch ‘just one more episode’, causing me to sleep for less hours than I need.

Also, when I have binge watched a programme, I suffer from serious withdrawal symptoms when a series ends. I feel completely lost and unmotivated. That itself causes me to get very low and feel helpless after.

Meditate

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When you have chosen your peaceful location, sit in silence and breathe. Pray or listen to  guided meditation to help with stress, feel more present and have better sleep.

Take a break from social media

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Its very tempting to spend a lot of time on social media, one video on Facebook leads to another and before you know it you have been glued to the phone for hours.

Read a book

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Find a good book and read a few chapters at a time. Try not to stay up all night reading because the story line is good and you are curious to to find out what happens at the end.

Consider getting help

If you are consistently suffering from low mood and you have tried self help techniques but you are not getting any better maybe its time you paid your GP a visit and discuss your symptoms so that you may get professional help.

Depression and anxiety can easily be mistaken for laziness and complacency in some communities. Please do not suffer in silence.

Staying silent is not being strong. Speaking out is!