Tag: Self worth

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People need support for mental health and not a magic potion

Its hard opening up to friends and family about your mental health or general health issues out of fear of being judged.

No matter how much we talk about our mental health there is still so much stigma attached to it in some communities.

On my recovery journey, I have encountered a lot of different people with different views on mental health.

The religious say that if you turn to God all, your health problems will go away.

If you say you are a believer, you get accused of possibly living in sin, so the depression comes from the guilt of your sins.

Then theres the ones that sell supplements and will not take no for an answer.

I am sure if someone offered me to have a trial of something and see how I felt, I would probably try and possibly buy if I liked the product.

But the persistence and the negative talk of antidepressants in their quest to make a sale is enough to trigger my anxiety when I have to be in the same place with them.

Don’t even get me started on the constant follow ups and links to testimonials where some people were cured by these supplements.

I have come to realise that we are all different, there is not a one size fits all approach in the  management and recovery of any mental health condition.

What works for one person may not work for the next.

How good would it be to drink a sachet of syrup and all my illnesses disappear?

The only downside is that you will be set back at least a couple of hundred pounds each month for some things in the name of ‘your health is your wealth” and you will be encouraged to sign up to sell the products so that you can get them cheaper for yourself, which may not be helpful to your health if you don’t sell and are help responsible not pulling your weight to meet enough people.

The digital age has made us live in a fast paced world with access to information on the internet and everyone tends to be a google doctor.

It’s important not to self diagnose when you have symptoms and see your medical practitioners to get help.

There are supportive networks that you can join ; where most people have experience with mental health from personal experience or being care givers.

There are people who will be there for you and some who will not want to hear about your mental health, it  is important to choose your company wisely.

 

 

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You Are Enough, Just As You Are.

Your self-worth comes from accepting that you are enough just the way you are and you do not need validation from anyone else to make you feel good about yourself.

Sometimes we look for love or approval from other people and it affects us greatly when we can not stand up for ourselves by setting goals to what other people see as important.

No one is perfect, some may pretend to be, but you may not know the battles that they are facing; so instead of comparing yourself to others, live your life one day at a time and do what is best for you.

I am a great fan of poetry and the words in this one really resonated with me so I have decided to share it and hope it will bring inspiration to you.

 

A Creed To Live By

Don’t undermine your worth
by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different
that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what
other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or for the future,
By living your life one day at a time.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give
nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is a fragile thread that binds each of us to each other.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don’t run through life so fast
that you forget not only where you have been
but also where you are going.
Life is not a race,
but a journey to be savoured each step of the way.

– Nancye Sims

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Is the company you keep making you sick?

Our friends and family are the people we reach out to when we want company, a listening ear or just a chat but some of these relationships can have negative effects on our mental health.

No one wants to be a ‘Billy no mates’ but is it worth holding on to certain people or relationships if they do not make us feel good?

Generally, we all want a stress-free life and sometimes it is easy to just let things go than to address them, sometimes we don’t even notice certain behaviours until they have become the norm and by then may be difficult to deal with them.

Do you find yourself altering your behaviour to fit in with certain people?

We have a right to our individuality and when you find yourself altering yourself to fit in with a friend or friends then you need to re evaluate that relationship.

Friends should accept you as you are, as you should them but if they are dominant and you find it easier to just go with the flow than to express yourself, then you need new friends that won’t make you feel like that.

You shouldn’t stress more over your companion’s endorsement than your very own opinions and beliefs.

 

Real friends who care about your mental health and well-being don’t;

 

  • Constantly reprimand you or bring you down, instead they should help lift your spirits than to scold you or criticise you in a bad way. There is a difference in giving advice and being patronising.

 

  • Make jokes about you that make you feel uncomfortable, then accuse you of not being able to take a joke. You cannot be the butt of someone’s jokes especially if they are personal and they get a kick out of doing that in public. You should not feel anxious about spending time with people that you consider to be friends.

 

  • Invade your personal space and force you to hang out when you don’t feel up to it and accuse you of being a party pooper. We all have good and bad days and our friends should be understanding when we don’t want to go out. When someone politely declines an invitation, respect that!

 

  • Make backhanded comments; for instance, you have a haircut and your friend says why did you cut your hair? It makes your ears look bigger, I actually prefer you with your hair done this way or that way. That does nothing for your self-esteem, and you cannot constantly tweak your self to fit in with people and stay sane.

 

  • Make you choose between your partner, other friends and them. You can be friends with more than one person and should not be dictated to who you should make acquaintance with or not.

Friendships should be fun and nurturing and when you feel drained by them perhaps you need to think of making changes to certain relationships. If anyone makes you question your self worth, constantly makes you uncomfortable then you should say something to them and if they don’t acknowledge their behaviour and treat you better, then you should consider staying away from those people.

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Mental Health – How to identity and avoid triggers

When most  people are recovering from mental illness their condition becomes more manageable. It is however important to understand that recovery is an ongoing process and that it is normal to have difficulties and setbacks along the way.

When you have achieved some stability and understand your illness and how to manage it, you have to identify what you need to do in order to stay well.

There are things in our lives that can accelerate mental health problems or impede on recovery.

Below are some examples:

Alcohol

Alcohol affects the nervous system and causes moods to fluctuate.

It is important to limit or avoid alcohol because mental health problems not only result from drinking too much alcohol, they can also cause people to drink too much and make their problems worse. Some people tend to self-medicate with alcohol so that they can sleep or numb their feelings, but then they may wake up feeling worse because alcohol is a depressant which causes moods to fluctuate.

Stress

Stress can be overwhelming, it can cause anxiety and aggravate existing conditions.

Stress can be overwhelming, it can cause anxiety and aggravate existing conditions. Sometimes we set unrealistic deadlines at work or overcommit to our families and not leave enough time for ourselves, then we end up getting stressed. Financial worries can cause stress and some stress can be a cause of mental conditions, but some can make it worse. It is important to identify potential stressors in your life in order to help with your recovery.

Over the counter medication

Taking unprescribed over the counter medications can be as detrimental as not getting treatment.

Most people are not comfortable talking to doctors or taking prescribed medications, so they end up buying over the counter medication to help with their symptoms but that can be as dangerous as not treating it at all. When you see a medical professional, they always ask if you are taking other medication so that they do not prescribe to you something that will counteract with the other. So, when you take other medication that is not prescribed to you, you could make your symptoms worse or take something completely harmful to your health.

Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts and negative company can make you feel worthless

It is common for people with mental health problems to experience negative thoughts and feelings which include but are not limited to sadness, guilt, helplessness and worthlessness and find them hard to shake off which can have detrimental effects on how they function in everyday life.

Negative thoughts can be draining and have you in a constant state of fight or flight which can leave you extremely fatigued.

Isolation

Choosing to be alone and have some downtime is fine but withdrawing and isolation can be detrimental to one’s health

The stigma surrounding mental health can cause somebody with mental health problems to isolate themselves. When someone feels unwanted or unloved, they stay away from people and at times they are just unmotivated to be in social situations.

When one has encountered negative or judgemental people it is natural to prefer to be alone. Choosing to be alone and have some downtime is fine but withdrawal and isolation can be detrimental to one’s health as it can contribute to cardiovascular disease and insomnia which affects how the immune system functions.

Not taking care of yourself

Rest and recharge, the mind needs just as much rest as the body.

Some illnesses may require you to just take medication but mental illness like depression needs you to look after your  physical well-being as well.

Self-care is paramount in recovery, one needs to learn and identify what is good and works for them.

Personal care and a clean environment goes a long way in assisting in recovery.

You need to eat well, sleep well, exercise and hydrate, as it has a direct impact on your physical and emotional well being.

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Learn to let go of the need for validation or the approval of others

As humans, it is in our nature to give and receive appreciation for the tasks that we perform or for the good we have done.

It’s great to receive a compliment for a job well done, to be congratulated for an achievement and to get a thank you when we have done something helpful for someone, but we should not rely on outside validation to prove our worth.

It is good to be appraised for a job well done

Lack of self-esteem can prompt us to conform to other people’s beliefs and rely on their opinions instead of trusting our own judgement. It can cause us to be motivated by other people’s passions and not be our true selves in order to be accepted by certain groups, while putting our own lives on hold.

If you find yourself

  • overly dependent on approval from partners or significant people in your life and becoming unhappy if that doesn’t happen
  • constantly trying to please all the people all the time but not making time for yourself
  • feeling guilty for saying no when you really don’t have the time to do what someone has asked you to do
  • continuously needing the approval of friends or family to give you a sense of self-worth
  • holding back on your own creativity to fit in with the people that you look up to
  • feeling like you’re not good enough when you don’t get the approval that you expected
  • suppressing your opinions to avoid rejection and conflict
  • trying too hard to be good to people that won’t go out of their way for you
  • lacking confidence in your own skills and abilities
  • conforming yourself to fit in from group to group; you may be overly dependent on other people’s validation which hinders your ability to function without your actions being approved by those people.

For instance; on social media, some people thrive on the high from the number of followers and likes that they get. If they get unfollowed or they do not get the responses that they expect, they take it personally and get very upset.

This has led to depression in some individuals because the validation from others is what they have been addicted to and what keeps them going, so when it stops the feeling of loss and rejection can be overwhelming.

We need to find happiness within ourselves first before we expect it from others.

You do not need anyones approval to do the things you like

Here are some ways of helping yourself stop seeking validation

  • Learn to say no. It’s OK to say no to the things that you don’t want to do or don’t like.
  • Don’t engage in activities that could be degrading or time consuming just to be seen as cool to fit in with the crowd.
  • Realise that it is OK not to be liked by everyone or to like everyone that comes into your life.
  • Learn to do things that make you feel happy and alive without asking for anyone’s opinion.
  • Don’t focus on finding love, instead learn to love yourself so that comments or criticisms don’t affect you.
  • Do not change yourself to fit in with people who don’t love you, it will only drain you and make you unhappy.
  • Make yourself a priority, you cannot please anyone if you are not happy. You will not have any energy for yourself and your growth if you are focusing on building other people than yourself.

It may take some time to reach a point where you can be self-sufficient and do some things without the need for outside validation, but you can learn to be your own source of happiness. You need to start trusting yourself that you are good enough without being endorsed by peers or family. Any approval or type of validation should be taken as a compliment, but you should not dwell on it or rely on it.

 

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Choose Life

When you feel like there is no choice

Choose life

In the midst of a storm and you feel all alone

Choose life

When you think you have reached breaking point

Choose life

When you feel like a failure

Choose life

When that break up hurts so bad, choose you

Choose life

Times can get hard, but

Choose life

When you get overwhelmed by life’s problems

Choose life

When you are plagued by unhealthy thoughts

Choose life

When you feel like you are out of solutions

Choose life

When you think that no one will listen, there is always support

Choose life

Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is

Choose life