My first thought was to say I am sorry for disgracing you by addressing my depression publicly, but after giving it some thought, I feel I owe you no apologies.
I am not sorry for realising that something was going on in my life and I could not get out a depressive mode.
I am not sorry that I accepted my diagnosis and got the help that I needed. No, I am not crazy, in fact I can focus a lot more clearly now that I understand what is happening.
I am tired of being sorry that I can not please you and I can finally take the time that I need to look after my self.
I am tired of picking up your pieces and being asked to be the mediator in your fights only to be blamed for things later.
I am tired of being the person you guilt trip into babysitting, running your errands and lending you money that never gets repaid.
I am tired of being afraid to say I just need time out today or have a lie in for fear of being called lazy.
I am tired of being validated by what I do for you. It will never be enough, the more I do the more the demands get.
I am fed up of your constant opinions that hinder me from using my ideas and moving on with my life. Why do you feel the need to bring me down all the time?
I am learning to be brave enough to say no when I can not do something for you whether it pleases you or not.
I am learning to rest when my body needs it and do things on my terms.
I am learning to embark on projects that I want and let you know about them later, I do not need permission to do what I want but you have made me feel like that for as long as I can remember.
I am learning that though I may be far from perfect, I can strive be the best person that i can be.
I am learning that you and I can have a relationship without me being, your fixer, your cashpoint, your driver, your maid and your punchbag.
Finally I feel a release, a strong sense of freedom that I can focus on myself for a change, put myself first for a change.
That is not to say that I will not help when you are in need but I need to be comfortable and want to help and not feel under pressure to do something for you because you need me to.
Experiencing depression can be very overwhelming to the sufferer and to close family and friends.
We all have moments of feeling down or sad but if these emotions persist over a long period of time or become severe, it may be a sign that someone may be suffering from depression.
It is important to support loved ones by encouraging that they seek help and reassure them that it is Ok to ask for help.
Encourage them to talk about how they feel as it may sometimes be hard for them to express themselves. Some people feel that it is a sign of weakness to share their feelings.
Sometimes its good to just listen, having someone to talk to and not be judged about how you feel or be told to ‘get over it and ‘we all go through it’ does not help the person experiencing depression. In fact, it forces them to shut down and be more private about their situation leading them to suffer in silence.
If you do not live with them, try to keep in touch more often. Sometimes they may not even have the energy to keep up with day to day things like making phone calls or leaving the house.
It may be hard to understand why your friend or family member is depressed especially if you have not experienced it yourself. Please try not to be judgemental or find blame as to why the person is suffering from depression. It is not easy to snap out of it, there is no magic button to switch off depression. Do not be critical of their situation or make it about yourself and say, “we all get depressed, I have it but I manage, stop thinking too much”.
If they have been prescribed medication, support them to continue with their medication especially in the first few weeks while they adjust to the medication and experience some unpleasant side effects.
Encourage them to see their doctor if they feel worse with their medication or the side effects are continuous.
While it is tempting to help them with everything, it is important to encourage them to undertake their day to day tasks like cooking, cleaning and going to do their food shopping.
It is also important to look after yourself so that you have the energy to support your friend or family member. If you feel that you can not help them it is Ok to be honest and say that you can’t help and suggest that they seek help of professionals if they need to.
As the clocks struck at midnight and we joined hands to sing Auld Lang Syne, I took a moment to reflect on my year.
2017 was a year of highs and lows for me but mainly lows. It was an eye opener which helped me to look at the world differently.
It was the year I learnt that I have to value my loved ones everyday and not leave apologies and making up until the next time.
It was the year that I lost my father shortly after he had just come back into our lives.
It was the year that my only son turned 21 and started to make real decisions about what he wanted to do with his life.
It was the year that I learnt who my real friends are and that I do not need that many people in my life.
It was the year that I learned the power of ‘No’, and that it was okay to put myself first for a change and not lose sleep over it.
It was my last year in my 30’s and I look forward to turning 40 in May.
I had spent the last few days of 2017 saying I cant wait for this year to end, but I woke up today feeling the same as everyday.
I know that I can not magic away the negative events that happened in 2017 but I can choose to leave some things behind and try to continue looking forward not backward.
I just want to thank all my friends and family that were with me through my trying times for all their support and patience.
May 2018 bring you all that you wish for and more.
Depression does not discriminate against race, gender, religious beliefs, financial status, age, and gender. As a black African woman that has experienced depression both personally and professionally, it has not been an easy topic to talk about with family, friends and acquaintances.
There are a lot of myths about depression and anxiety that cause a lot of confusion which can keep people from reaching out for help. Most people are afraid to ask for help among their peers, as they would be considered to be lazy or crazy.
Many people see mental illness as a weakness or personal failure and the following statements are usually made;
“Depression does not affect black people, its something the white privileged suffer from.”
“You need to get over it, find a hobby, take a walk.”
“Oh, stop being so sensitive!”
“Don’t take the medication, it will only make you worse.”
This makes people who are struggling with depression hold back on sharing how they feel.
Culturally we are taught to keep our feelings to ourselves. If you find yourself struggling at school, college or work, you cannot complain openly about things, as you feel conscious that you may be seen as being entitled, weak or merely just using it as an excuse for your laziness. Some depression is attributed to witchcraft or attention seeking and guilt.
We are conditioned from an early age to look out for others, help as much as we can, give as much as we can but it is not easy to say no, not today, I am tired, I need a break and just need to rest or have time to myself for fear of being seen as selfish.
We are constantly reminded that our lives are better than others who are living in impoverished countries. What have you got to be depressed about? You live in England; you have a job and a partner, think of people struggling back home or the ones in Ethiopia and Somalia who have no food or clean water.
The only time people cry openly is usually when there is a death of a loved one. Generally, crying is seen as a weakness and people tend to suffer in silence. We are supposed to be able to make it through anything. Our ancestors made it through slavery, we can make it through all the hard times, we have to keep going, and we have to be strong.
But what happens then when you have been too strong for too long? When you are tired of carrying other people’s problems and need time out? When you feel overwhelmed and need to find refuge in someone or somewhere?
While spiritual support is an important part of healing, the care of a qualified mental health professional is very important as with any other medical condition. Treatment should be sought earlier for it to be more effective.
We cannot simply ‘pray away’ depression or any form of mental illness. Why is it set apart from illnesses, such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure where one can get medication to help with their symptoms and be open about it?
The stigma surrounding antidepressants causes some people to accept their diagnosis but not share and not take their medication. They will be feeling worse each day, picking up their prescription every month after telling their doctor that they are no better and just stacking the medication in the drawer.
There is very little sympathy in some communities in relation to depression as people do not know how to handle it or what to say to someone suffering from depression. It is important that we come together to address mental illnesses and break the stigma attached to it because it can affect anyone.
If you start to feel like your life isn’t worth living or you want to harm yourself, get help straight away.
Either see your GP or call NHS 111. You can also call Samaritans on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.
The last few months have been a roller coaster, constantly turning and not stopping.
I watched my days turn into nights, nights back into days – a walking zombie, doing so much yet achieving so little.
All the time you asked how I was, I said I was fine. All the jokes I received from you I responded with a laughing emoji or just an ‘LOL’.
What you don’t know was that there were days that I could not even summon the strength to get out of the bed or even take a phone call. I had no energy or motivation to feel happy for myself or anyone for that matter even if they had shared good news.
I would drift in an out of sleep and hate myself for being so lazy. I took some time off work because I was struggling with day-to-day tasks and I thought a break would do me good.
I would wait until it was dark to go to the convenience store and by then it would be too late to cook so I would buy myself a packet of chocolate digestive biscuits to have with a cup of tea before bed. But I wouldn’t have 2 or 4 or 6, I would gradually eat all the biscuits and wonder where they all went.
I would lie awake till the early hours of morning then I would sleep until lunchtime feeling guilty for my laziness, hating myself for not training and binge eating. I would be snappy and burst into tears for the most trivial things.
I would look at my reflection in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back at me. I would just feel so tired, not motivated to do anything at all.
I would lie in bed for hours watching the news but if you asked me what was happening around the world, I would not know. I was absent from my own existence most of the time.
Each night I would make a list of things to do the next day, but each morning I woke up, I struggled with the smallest of tasks.
I pushed myself to do a course that I wanted to do as I had free time. I almost did not make it to the exam as the anxiety kicked in and I had a million and one excuses in my head why it was probably a better idea to postpone to another day.
It was one of those exams centres where you get your results printed straight away. I got my results slip and just put in my handbag and left the exam centre. I got home, looked at the results slip .. ‘I had passed’.
There was no elation, no happiness, just relief that I would not have to do it again. I changed into my pyjamas, got into bed and forgot all about it for a few days.
One morning I woke up supercharged and felt like I could take on the world. I cleaned and decluttered the house and started sending out applications for new jobs.
My CV was received well. My phone was ringing with recruiters wanting to chat about roles they could offer but I just could not muster the strength to take the calls. I didn’t feel good enough for the roles, I just wanted to curl up and hide.
What if they interview me and they don’t like me? What if I don’t hear from them? And with the calls that I took, I would obsess about my responses, did I say the right thing, should I have said this instead of that?
I would then be back on that roller coaster again. I felt like I was constantly running but not reaching my destination, I was just getting more and more exhausted.
Images that show what it feels like to suffer from mental illness. Bringing the inside to the outside.
Days rolled into nights, nights turned into days and quickly into weeks and months. I lost track of time.
Social events became a chore. I made every excuse possible to not go anywhere and if I plucked up the courage to go, I would be late because of procrastinating, should I shouldn’t I? Will I look silly in this outfit? Will I be comfortable with the people around me? Things that never used to bother me were starting to bother me.
Driving became a challenge, stopping for petrol became a challenge, getting out of bed was nearly impossible. I just could not understand what was going on.
I totally lost the zest for life, didn’t have the energy to exercise or even leave the house. I was tired and aching but I could not understand what was going on. I was getting used to being confined to the bubble that I had created, I would imagine myself dead after a road accident while I was driving. If I was at a strain station, I would fantasise about standing at the edge of a platform while a fast train passed.
It got to a point that my thinking was so irrational and I would get upset by the smallest things. I just could not stop it, I wished it would stop, I prayed it would stop but I just continued in my never-ending burnt out state.
I knew I couldn’t continue feeling that way and I made an appointment to see the doctor. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after an hours consultation of describing how I felt.
I was given treatment options but none were forced on me. It was entirely up to me to make the decision which I made in a few days.
I will not lie and say it was easy, but knowing that what I was going through had a name, that I was not the only one going through it and that I could get better gave me a better outlook to life.
I am recovering, I know it will take a while to heal but I am getting better everyday.
I am taking things slowly, one day at a time in order to find stability and improve my well-being.
I do not feel like I am running to an unreachable destination.
I am not afraid of the future. I am facing my fears one by one. I still have bad days, but my good days are better.
I am sharing because I want to be free.
I want to be free to tell you that I really feel like ‘crap’ if you talk to me when I am having a bad day.
I am learning to say no when I feel like I have overcommitted myself.
I am learning that my strength and resilience is what will see me through.
I am learning to to love myself, put my needs first as I cannot help others if I am unwell.
I have decided that depression will not define me. I do not want to conform to a label.
I have control of my life and I will fight everyday to overcome this and encourage other people not to hide how they are feeling.
I know that I will be learning for a long time, but I am excited at a future where I can have control of my life and not hide behind a label.
Staying silent is not being strong. Speaking out is!
Depression: Is it Treatable? According to the World Health Organization (WHO), about 121 million people worldwide are affected by depression every year. However, less than 25% have access to effective treatment. Some of the most successful people in the world, including Winston Churchill, Buzz Aldrin, Isaac Asimov, Jim Carrey, Ingmar Bergman, Bob Dylan, Anthony Hopkins, […]
Depression is a mood disorder depicted by low mood and a wide range of other possible symptoms, which will vary from person to person. It is an illness that can develop progressively or rapidly and can be brought on by life events and changes in body chemistry.
It is not a fancy illness that only affects people of a certain creed, race, gender, marital status, financial status or age. It can affect anybody and it is treatable. It is one of those things that you will not understand until it happens to you or someone close to you.
Depression is a condition that is difficult to talk about. You can call work to request time off with a cold or a broken arm and it is acceptable, but when you have depression you’re seen as lazy, weak, selfish and attention seeking.
Depression is not the same as a physical illness but it can be even more serious because when you are severely depressed you can feel like giving up on life itself.
Depression can affect different people in various ways, for instance;
Mild Depression,
Major Depression,
Bipolar Depression,
Postnatal Depression and
Seasonal Affective Depression (SAD).
It can be difficult to distinguish between grief and depression. They share many of the same characteristics, but there are important differences between them. Grief is an entirely natural response to a loss, while depression is an illness. People who are grieving find their feelings of sadness and loss come and go, but they’re still able to enjoy things and look forward to the future.
In contrast, people who are depressed constantly feel sad. They don’t enjoy anything and find it difficult to be positive about the future. However, depression is more than just sadness and you can not ‘just snap out of it”, or will yourself out of it any more than you could snap out of a cold, broken arm or any other ailment. Just like all other illnesses, it takes a while to recover.
Peoples experiences with depression vary, but they might include:
low mood lasting two weeks or more
not getting any enjoyment out of life
feeling hopeless
feeling tired or lacking energy
not being able to concentrate on everyday things like reading the paper or watching television
comfort eating or losing your appetite
sleeping more than usual or being unable to sleep
having suicidal thoughts or thoughts about harming yourself moving or speaking more slowly than usual
changes in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased)
unexplained aches and pains
lack of energy
low sex drive (loss of libido)
changes to your menstrual cycle
disturbed sleep – for example, finding it difficult to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning
not doing well at work
avoiding contact with friends and taking part in fewer social activities
neglecting your hobbies and interests
having difficulties in your home and family life
Depression is hard to ignore at its worst but at the same time we don’t want to admit it. Sometimes we don’t notice it creeping up on us. Many people try to cope with their symptoms without realising that they are unwell. It can sometimes take a friend or family member to suggest something is wrong.
Doctors describe depression by how serious it is:
mild depression which has some impact on your daily life
moderate depression which has a significant impact on your daily life
severe depression which makes it almost impossible to get through daily life; a few people with severe depression may have psychotic symptoms
People suffering from depression should never hesitate to seek help. There is no reason to suffer in silence, when there are treatments available.
Whatever the cause, if negative feelings don’t go away, are too much for you to cope with, or are stopping you from carrying on with your normal life, you may need to make some changes and get some extra support.
If you’re still feeling down after a couple of weeks, talk to your GP or call NHS 111. Your GP can discuss your symptoms with you and make a diagnosis.
If you’re diagnosed with depression, your GP will discuss all of the available treatment options with you, including self-help, talking therapies and antidepressants.
Whether you have depression or just find yourself feeling down for a while, it could be worth trying some self-help techniques.
Life changes, such as getting a regular good night’s sleep, keeping to a healthy diet, reducing your alcohol intake and getting regular exercise, can help you feel more in control and more able to cope.
Self-help techniques can include activities such as meditation, breathing exercises and learning ways to think about problems differently. Tools such as self-help books and online counselling can be very effective.
If your GP has prescribed antidepressants, it’s important that you carry on taking them.
This is one of my favourite songs when I am having a bad day.
Beautiful vocals from Casting Crowns.
Enjoy …x
Who am I, that the lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who I am
But because of what you’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who you are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I’m calling
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling
And you’ve told me who I am
I am yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?
Not because of who I am
But because of what you’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who you are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I’m calling
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling
And you’ve told me who I am
I am yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what you’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who you are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I’m calling
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling
And you’ve told me who I am
I am yours
I am yours
I am yours
Whom shall I fear, whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am yours
I am yours
If you’re reading this because you’re having suicidal thoughts, try to ask someone for help. It may be difficult at this time, but it’s important to know you’re not beyond help and you’re not alone.
Talking to someone can help you see beyond feelings of loneliness or despair and help you realise there are options.
There are people who want to talk to you and help. Try talking to a family member or friend about how you’re feeling.
There are several telephone helplines you can call at any time of the day or night. You can speak to someone who understands how you’re feeling and can help you through the immediate crisis.
We know it can be difficult to pick up the phone, but reach out to somebody and let them know how you are feeling.
Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.
Childline (0800 1111) runs a helpline for children and young people in the UK
Calls are free and the number won’t show up on your phone bill.
PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.
Depression Alliance is a charity for people with depression. It doesn’t have a helpline, but offers a wide range of useful resources and links to other relevant information.
Students Against Depression is a website for students who are depressed, have a low mood or are having suicidal thoughts.
Bullying UK is a website for both children and adults affected by bullying.
Help for young men
Men may be more likely to avoid or ignore problems and many are reluctant to talk about their feelings or seek help when they need it.
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is an excellent resource for young men who are feeling unhappy. As well as their website, CALM also has a helpline (0800 58 58 58).
Talking to someone you trust
If you don’t want to speak to someone on a helpline, you could talk to:
a member of your family, a friend or someone you trust, such as a teacher
your GP, a mental healthcare professional or another healthcare professional
a minister, priest or other type of faith leader
Seeing your GP
It would also help to see your GP. They can advise you about appropriate treatment if they think you have a mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety.
Your GP may be able to help you with access to talking therapies. Talking therapies, such as counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are often used to help people who have suicidal thoughts and usually involve talking about your feelings with a professional.
Helping your child
If you are concerned your child may be feeling suicidal or is self-harming, the following advice may help:
Notice when they seem upset, withdrawn or irritable.
Encourage them to talk about their worries, listen to them and help them find their own solutions.
Keep all medicines locked away, including painkillers such as paracetamol
suggest your child talks to their GP or a counsellor about how they feel.
This is my blog where i write about things close to my heart.
I am not a person that focuses on one thing, I like to do different things and have different experiences.
My attention span would not allow me to do that, and I would get bored. Now, who wants a bored writer.
There are a few things close to my heart that I wil write about, especially the stigma attached to black people and mental health, mainly depression and anxiety that I have first hand experience with.
I hope to help other people and impart in their lives positivity, leading to fulfillment.
