When I opened up about my struggles with anxiety and depression, I expected to receive mixed reactions but I wasn’t prepared for the lack of support from the people that I considered as friends
People suddenly became experts on the subject
These are the things I was told;
- Don’t take any medication it will only make you worse.
- Black people don’t suffer from depression, you are adopting western values.
- That is just a sign of weakness, we all go through stuff.
- Depression is for people with money, poor people haven’t got time for such illnesses.
- Snap out of it, pull yourself together.
- There are people having a harder time than you are in Africa, think of the starving people and the orphans.
- Quit feeling sorry for yourself, go and exercise and you will feel better.
- You don’t look like someone who is depressed.
If I am honest, none of those suggestions helped me. It showed me just how little people, especially in Black African communities understand depression hence the stigma surrounding it and people suffering in silence.
I had a conversation with someone last week and they asked why I have been so quiet of late.
I said I had been busy and I needed to take some time for my recovery and they said, “Oh! What’s eating you?”
This was the very first person that I told when I was at my worst and they tried to talk me out of taking medication, so it really disappointed me to explain myself again – but, I told them.
They then started asking me what my plans for the future were, what makes me happy, what do I want out of my life, what is the most important thing in my life etc.
I felt like I was being interviewed for a job and no matter what I said I was met with another question.
I don’t know how I managed to stay calm during that conversation but I realised we have a long way to go in raising awareness about mental health issues and caring for people affected by mental health.
I then had someone else make contact via text and they asked me if I had sorted out my “crap”. Really… crap? The last time I spoke to them I had just been diagnosed but they never bothered to pop in or offer any comfort but when they want to hang out they expect me to have sorted out my crap. How does my struggle with anxiety and depression equate to crap?
That text remains unanswered and I have decided that I will not be engaging in conversation with that person.
Now I understand why people do not disclose their mental illnesses. Too many stereotypes and stigma attached to it. What does depression really look like?
‘I always thought you were a bit crazy’ is another response that I get from some people that think that they are making light of the situation when in actual fact they aren’t.
“Do you think it’s wise to share and write on a public platform that you suffered from depression?”
The answer is yes..how else do we raise awareness of mental health if we don’t talk about it? People experience mental health in different ways, some personally and some are care givers for friends and family members.
Depression knows no age, no race, no gender, it doesn’t care how little or how much you have. It affects everyone.
According to mind.org, approximately 1 in 4 people in UK will experience a mental health problem each year and 1 in 6 people report experiencing common mental health problems like anxiety and depression every week.
Let’s be a bit understanding and accommodating to those that we see struggling, you cannot force anyone to get treatment but the first step is to show understanding so that they may open up.
Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is!
